Things My Father Should Have Taught Me

This is my dad.

Here he is doing his impersonation of Dwight from "The Office".

TANGENT ALERT!!!THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS AND COMMENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAIN IDEA OF THIS POST.

Hummmmm. Now that I think about it, the only "offices" on TV when the above photo was taken belonged to Lt.Colonel Henry Blake... ...and Bob Newhart.

So I guess that would mean that Dwight is actually doing an impression of my dad. Cool.
TANGENT ENDED. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCES THE PRECEDING TANGENT MAY HAVE CAUSED.




I have learned many things from my dad over the course of my life, including my Sunday school teaching style, how to play golf, and the lyrics to many songs about bodily functions.

He has been such an important source of information, that I have almost forgiven him for mocking my unfortunate stand-on-end hair that plagued me for the first 18 months of my life.

Almost.

I really don't think a person can ever really recover from having a parent mock you at such a young age. (Of course, my dad whose name is HOMELY, knows of what I speak. At least my folks didn't name me "spike" or "Lightning Strike" or anything like that.)

But despite all of the important facts, skills, and "beans" song lyrics that he has imparted to me, he was extremely negligent in one aspect of my education.

I discovered this lapse in fatherly tuition just this week as I was preparing to participate in one of those classic Junior high experiences where health professionals come in and make the kids feel really uncomfortable. You know the one I'm talking about, right? Well, on Wednesday of this week, I found myself unable to assist the kidlets in learning about destructive behaviors that could ruin their lives because I had not be taught a specific piece of information by my dad. I was so ignorant in this particular area that I was forced to turn to the Internet to learns things that my own father should have instructed me on.



That's right.
It is red ribbon week and I had no idea how to tie a tie to wear for "Tie Wednesday". It is a sad, sad day when a girl has to go to strangers online to learn how to tie a half Windsor.

And what made the experience even more upsetting was the knowledge that my father had schooled all four of my brothers on the fine art of tie-tying. I realize that the boys needed this particular skill for things like church and missions and jobs and minor things like that, but would it have been too much to ask for the man who raised me to have enough foresight to see that someday I would need to know how to tie a tie so that I could support a bunch of 7th and 8th graders in a small farming community during a random red ribbon week activity day? Really. And I thought he loved me.

Lucky for me, the costume cupboard at school contained a single tie and the Internet contained a plethora of step-by-step tie-tying websites. So when the kidlets walked in on Wednesday morning, they saw a teacher who supported them in their efforts to remain drug free.



I'm still not quite sure how my wearing a tie accomplishes that, but I have to admit that after wearing my sweater and jewelry backwards all day earlier in the week for "Backwards Monday", "Tie Wednesday" was much more comfortable. And, as you can see from the photo below, I have learned an important life-skill that I will continue to use for many red ribbon weeks to come.

Of course, I may have to take personal days for red ribbon week for the next few years.

At least until I live down my participation in "Superhero Thursday."

I decided to recycle part of my costume from Monday's Halloween FHE and become "Duct Tape Girl" for the day. It was a little embarrassing for the first, I don't know, six hours or so, but it helped that a few of the kidlets had dressed up as well.

Thanks, Spencer and Ethan, for helping me fight drug use by wearing superhero gear today. If our mild embarrassment serves to keep one young person from giving in to the temptation of drugs or alcohol, then it was worth it. And who knows, maybe there really is some power in these random dress-up days. If having a few people wear their clothes backwards, sport poorly-tied ties, and don capes and masks for a week can help fight the war on drugs, maybe sporting silly hats or wearing pajamas to school could help stabilize the stock market and turn the economy around.
Wall Street take note.
Presidential candidates, you might want to look into it.
The Power of Dress Up Days...it can change the world.