Parents, Teachers, and Conferences

It is that time of year again.

The time of year when I get to sit down with the parents of my kidlets and discuss what goes on inside their cute heads when they are inside my cute little classroom.

The time of year when I feel like crawling under my desk to hide from the hoards of angry parents who I'm sure will storm the junior high gym in much the same manner that the pitchfork-carrying, torch-wielding villagers stormed Frankenstein's lab.

Thankfully, my fears always prove to be unfounded and more than slightly irrational. In my many years of teaching (in this case, many = 4 1/4) I have only had a handful of disgruntled parents and, although many of them were carrying pitchforks, they were carrying them for agricultural purposes, not bad-teacher-skewering purposes.
This week, my parent-teacher conferences went so well, I didn't even need to pull out any of the "teacher-speak" phrases I was given in teacher school. Phrases that were designed to deliver bad news in a less offensive way. For example, when a teacher says..."Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates," What she means is,
"The little sneak was caught cheating on a test." If the teacher says something like, "Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability," the real message is, "The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes."

Here are a few more for those of you who didn't attend teacher school...

Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

But, like I said, I didn't need to use any of those this year because all of the parents who came to see me this week had raised smart, successful, respectful kids (and I am not just saying that becuase many of the parents who came to the conferences told me that they have been reading my blog). I didn't even have any of my infamous embarrassing conference moments, like during my first year when one of my 7th graders tried to set me up with his single dad, or last year when I stood up to plug my lap top in and my slip fell down around my ankles.

But even though this week's conferences were angry-parent-less and embarrassing-moment-free, I was still anxious for them to end so that I could drive to Idaho Falls to spend some quality time with those who mean the most to me...

...Sonic's Lemon-berry and Grape slushes.
Oh, and my family. I was excited to see them too.

My first stop after pulling off the freeway and into town was the school where my dad was helping to cook burgers for the first of the day's many Emotional Bowl tailgate parties (Orange Goalposts again this year!!!!) And no, he wasn't wearing orange in anticipation of the game...he always wears orange. Really. But that is s subject for another post.
Then I went over to my mom's school (she teaches 7th grade English too!) to help her set up her class website.

But the visit I was most anxious to make was to see my Idaho Niblets. Kenna was so excited to see me that she meet me at the door. ...and her cute little sister Kylie was patiently waiting in the living room for me to kiss and cuddle her.

Ooops. THIS is Kylie. Sorry. But I'm sure you can see why that is such an easy mistake to make.

My main duty as an aunt is to bring presents to my niblets. This trip, my presents were related to Kenna's new fascination: bull riding. She started watching Extreme Bull riding on TV when she visited my parents this summer, and now it is the only thing she wants to watch.
Her parents ended up buying her an "Extreme Bulls" DVD, which now plays at their house from the time Kenna wakes up in the morning until the she goes to sleep at night. I'll admit that bull riding is sort of an odd fascination for a not-quite-two-year-old, but not any odder than her cousin of the same age who is now obsessed with Dancing With the Stars.

So in conjunction with Kenna's bull riding fascination, I got both little girls cowboy hats. Pretty cute, eh? This is Kenna doing her impression of John Wayne trying to draw his guns after suffering partial face paralysis during a mini stroke (Kenna's impressions are very complex and demonstrate her higher-order thinking skills along with her love for classic westerns).

Kylie found her hat to be a little big and somewhat confusing, but I'm sure she will grow into it. Until then, I guess I will have to call her "Senorita Monchichi". After giving the girls their presents, it was their turn to show me mine. Their daddy (my brother) had managed to snag this cool Iron Man display thingy for me. I was very surprised and excited to use it in my classroom as the world's coolest bookcase. Unfortunately, Kenna had already bonded with Iron Man, so I don't think she is going to take kindly to the idea of me taking him away to Burley. It might make her angry.
And an angry Kenna is not a pretty picture. Cute yes, pretty no.


So I guess if I want to take Iron Man home with me, I am going to have to end the week the same way I started it...cowering under my desk shaking in fear.