Moving On Up...

... Or down, as the case may be. It is a basement apartment, after all. A big, bright, beautiful basement apartment. Saturday is moving day, but my internet won't catch up to me until Tuesday. So until Tuesday, farewell, blogging buddies.

In Case You Missed Today's Special Stake Conference...

1. And it came to pass that, in the eighth month of the first year of the reign of President Jones, the High Council was sent forth to deliver a message unto all the stake.

2. And they did go forth unto every branch and every ward, even into the afar off wilderness of the Star wards, and this is the message which they did read unto the people:

3. “Hearken all ye members of the Burley West Stake, yea, even the true and living stake of Burley. We bring you good tidings of great meetings, which shall be for all stake members.

4. For behold, scheduled this week for an upcoming Sunday, there shall be an additional stake conference, even a third stake conference, which shall be called ‘special’.

5. And on that day a General Authority, even Elder Gonzales of the Presidency of the Seventy, shall speak unto us words of great worth.”

(The Stake Center)
6. And it came to pass, directly after these words had proceeded forth from the mouths of the high councilors, the people of the stake began to marvel. Yea, even before the high councilor’s suited behinds touched the seats of their chairs did the whispering and wondering commence.

7. There were many in the land who did quake and tremble, believing these things to be a sign of ward boundary changes.

8. And they did say unto one another, “Behold, we shall lose our beloved friends and our established benches. And what is worse, we may be sent into a ward wherein they are in need of scout leaders. And, if that should come to pass, wo be unto us.”

9. But there were others who did spread word throughout the stake that perhaps President Jones had been called to lead a mission, like unto President Sagers, and that yet another new President would be called.

10. Others did steadfastly believe that this new conference was to make recompense for the last, even the stake conference wherein the fire alarm did sound forth loud sounds of warning, even louder than the sounds of the crying babies and snoring High Priest Group leaders, for the space of 17 minutes.

11. But others, not believing in the re-do doctrine, did put forth the idea that the stake had been chosen to experiment upon new programs, like unto a two hour block wherein Sunday School would go the way of all the earth. And many did smile in their hearts at this thought.

12. And still there were others who did proclaim, only slightly in jest, that along with copies of the rest hymn, maps to Missouri might also be handed amongst the assembled people. Yea, and they began to Google “Adam-ondi-Ahman Real-estate ”, and great was the Google-ing thereof.

(Our Stake Presidency...Photo borrowed from President and Sister Peterson's blog)

13. And these theories, and more like unto them, did circulate amongst the people of the stake for many days and were shared over refreshments at Relief Society meetings, and at the close of pack meetings, and during halftime at high school basketball games. Yea, even in the aisles of Wal-Mart were these things discussed.

14. And when the days of preparation were accomplished and the stake conference, which is called Special, was to be held, people traveled from every corner of the stake to hear the words which the visiting general authority would speak.

15. And they did fill the chapel, and the gym, and the stage.

16. And more people did come, and they did fill the Relief Society Room, and the Young Women’s room.

17. And some people did sit on couches in the foyer, though if this sitting was by choice or out of necessity we know not.

18. And the parking lot was filled also, with cars and trucks of all descriptions. And it was whispered inside the hallways that some cars did contain walking shoes and mid-western-climate-appropriate clothing, just in case.

19. And the assembled people, as they did wait for the meeting to start, did watch their Stake President. And they did watch as he did pace near the door, and as he from time to time did rub his face. And the people did read great meanings into these things.

(The star of our last stake conference)
20. But when Elder Gonzales did arrive, and also Elder Rowe with him, then did President Jones’s countenance brighten. And when he did begin the meeting, he did immediately tell the people that boundary changes would not be forth coming.

21. And when the people did hear these things, joy did fill their hearts. And they did think upon their chosen and established benches and smile.

22. And then President Jones did speak unto the people, telling them: “Yea, the time has come when we as a stake must develop the courage and capacity to spread the gospel. We must extend invitations to meetings and activities to those who would not normally attend. But behold, this is not all. We must also make personal prayer , scripture study, and meaningful family home evenings regular occurrences in our homes."

23. And behold, after he had said these things he did sit down, and his relief and happiness were evident to all. And the people did begin to wonder if part of their beloved President’s relief was due to the guards placed round about every fire alarm in the building…
(Our visiting General Authority, Elder Gonzales)
24. And Sister Barger then did take the stand and did teach the people beautiful truths from the war chapters of Alma. And Krystal did bear a brief, but dedicated testimony, speaking even more swiftly than she swam in the Spudman, which is to say, pretty darn swiftly.

25. And then Elder Rowe did teach about the importance of grandparents , and he did counsel the people to turn the doors of their tents towards the temple. And none of the people did cringe at his mention of tents, feeling safe in the knowledge that they would not be switching to wards in need of scout leaders.

26. And when Elder Rowe did finish his speaking, Elder Gonzales did arise. And he did speak of his conversion to the gospel and his testimony of the Book of Mormon. And he did also speak of gratitude, and did express his own for the flower arrangements procured by Sister Jones.

27. And when he did finish expounding upon gratitude, he did counsel the assembled people to take time to ponder the things of the gospel, and to be willing to change our agendas to meet the needs we perceive in others.

(What the scouts should have sold in the foyer before the meeting today as a fund raiser.)

28. And when he had finished speaking, the people did indeed proclaim the conference “special”, and did feel a burning in their bosoms confirming to them the truths they had heard that day. And many also felt a tingling in their hindquarters confirming to them that they had been sitting on hard Church chairs. And great was the tingling thereof.

29. And so the people did return to their houses. Some to eat lunch, and others to nap, and others to unpack their bags that had been labeled, “Missouri or Bust.” And they did ponder the things taught at the conference in their hearts. And they did rejoice in the things they had felt.

30. But they did not erase their map quest directions to Missouri. Just in case.

Happy Birthday Mikey!

Today is my second-most-babiest-brother's 23rd birthday.

This story is from the talk my dad gave when Mikey was leaving to serve a mission in Brazil:

Mikey was born with paralyzed vocal cords and couldn’t make a sound, and when he was a month old, he began choking. The doctors told us that he would need surgery and that the results of the surgery would be that he would be able to speak, but never eat solid food or he would be able to eat, but not speak. We had to make the decision. Before we left for Primary Children's hospital, my Grandpa Fisher and I gave him a blessing that promised miraculous things. Still, when they took that little month old baby from me to take him into surgery, I didn’t know what to expect. But in the operating room, just as they were about to cut his throat to perform the surgery, he cried out loud for the first time.

After that, the miracle became getting Mikey to STOP talking. My dad also likes to tell this story...

One night, we came home and found that the usually extremely talkative 3-year-old Mikey wouldn't say a word. We were pretty worried, considering his medical history. Later we found out his brothers had told him, "Your voice box only contains 10,000 words for your lifetime, and you have already used over 9,000!"

Mikey somehow managed to survive his older brothers and turned into a pretty darn good guy.

My dad's talk ended like this:

Mike might have came with defective vocal cords but there has never been anything wrong with his HEART! He has had unconditional love from the day he was born. He has loved everyone and never questioned that Heavenly Father and everyone else loved him.

I remember when he was just 3 we had some brokers from Texas stop by our house and we were talking in the front yard. I ran in the house get something, and there was Mikey looking out the front window. He asked me, “Who are those guys?” I told him they were from Texas and they worked with me. Then he said, “They love me don’t they!”

Of course I answered, “Yes they do, Mikey”.

And we like him an awful lot too. Happy Birthday, Tyrannodorkus Rex.

What Did I Do This Week?

This week I...

... joined up with my favorite Relief Society sisters to co-teach at 3rd ward's conference, attend our presidency meeting, speak at a weekday Relief Society meeting, and make pre-ward conference visits to a few incredibly sweet 11th ward sisters. And I did it all with out my phone going off. Amazing, isn't it, how a brief embarrassing experience can cause a total recalibration of your good-week-scale?

Last Week: Helping a struggling kidlet experience academic achievement = successful week.
This week: No ring tone during a prayer = successful week.
But that wasn't all.

This week I sent the State Superintendent of Schools an email that expressed my

concerns about the state of our state's public education programs. The last e-mail I sent him expressed my desire for furry creatures to eat his spleen, so I am hoping the new one will go on top of whatever file the capital police are keeping on me there in Boise.
This week was also finals week for my kidlets, so I graded approximately 1,784,362 creative writing projects, including a sweet love story about robots. The final paragraph was my favorite:

"And so Trule and Yod lived happily ever after. At least as happily has they could, knowing that they had fought in the war that wiped out the entire human race. The end.

But wait, there's more!

During one of the Relief Society visits mentioned above, a beautiful and spacious rental opportunity was nudged into my lap. My BFF Valerie went with me to look at it and, despite my fear of change and the panic attacks it inspires, I found myself channeling Gollum ("My Precious! My Precious! I wants it!"). And so, at the end of the month, I will be moving a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment that comes complete with my own personal smurf-turf in one of the rooms. Go Boise State!

This particular home also comes with a built-in humility-inducing feature: it is inside the boundaries of the ward in which my cellphone, um, malfunctioned last week.

Really.

When I was lamenting this cruel twist of fate to my very empathetic mother, she said something about it being a good idea to keep the new ward's expectations low. Very wise. Very wise, indeed.

So here's to low expectations, new homes, blue carpet, robot love stories, non-threatening emails, and fruitful Relief Society ventures.

Memo to next week: Good luck. This week is going to be hard to beat.

Humility Calling

A few weeks before Christmas, a sweet Relief Society President called and asked if I would speak at her ward's weekday Relief Society meeting/visiting teaching conference. I have to admit that I was quite flattered... which should have been my first clue that this was not going to end well.

The invitation to speak also came with a musical number request, a request that some of the dear, sweet singles branch sisters agreed to help me with. See the two cute singles ward members there on the right? I was their teacher when they were 8th graders. And no, that isn't the embarrassing part. I was a bit nervous for the whole singing/speaking thing, causing all sorts of worst case scenarios to parade through my brain. One of those scenarios involved one or more of my cute little singers forgetting to show up so, as I was walking out the door of my apartment, I grabbed my cell phone. You know, just in case I needed to place an emergency reminder call or two.

Here's the thing. When I got to the stake center, I TURNED MY PHONE OFF. I stood in the entry way between the sets of glass doors and I turned it off. I did. It sang it's happy little turn-off song and everything. IT WAS OFF! So then I entered the stake center with my TURNED OFF cell phone in my coat pocket. The branch angels were already there, so there was no need for me to look at or even touch my phone again. I sat down. I stood up. I sang with the girls. I gave my talk/lesson. The ward sisters participated. It went well. The Spirit was present. Life was good.

I sat down again feeling pretty pleased with myself. And after the darling Relief Society president stood up and gave beautiful closing remarks and thanked me very graciously, I was feeling even more pleased with myself. By the time that wonderful president began to offer the closing prayer, I was feeling pretty darn good. Then I heard a cell phone go off.

At a Church meeting.

Where I was the guest speaker.

During the prayer.

How embarrassing for SOMEONE, right?

I was not at all worried. After all, I HAD TURNED MY PHONE OFF! So I spent a good 6 to 8 seconds thinking, "Wow! Someone else has the same ringtone as me!" before I finally realized that it was in fact MY ringtone accompanying the closing prayer. It was the Gilmore Girls, theme, lyrics and all, in case you were wondering.

Embarrassing?

Yes.

But it gets worse.

Knowing that it would take way too long to fish the offending phone out of my overstuffed Church bag,I jumped up and hauled the whole bag out the door.

I had sprinted half way down the hallway before I realized that the ringtone was getting quieter as I ran. It was at that horrible, soul-searing moment halfway down the hallway that I realized my phone - the one I had TURNED OFF - wasn't in my bag.

It was in my coat pocket.

And my coat was STILL ON MY CHAIR in the room where the Relief Society President was still praying.

So not only had I, the speaker for the evening, let my cell phone go off during the prayer, I had also run out of the room WITH OUT IT.

So I dropped my bag in the hallway and ran back in the room to grab my coat. By the time I ran away from the room the second time, my phone's screen was glowing with a missed call message ALMOST as brightly as my face was glowing with a bright red blush of humiliation.

I almost left right then. I had my coat and bag. I could have slunk out the back door, but I thought it would be better to go back in and take the teasing that I so richly deserved. I felt it was the right thing to do.

Plus, there were cookies in there.

I figured that, if I was going to be humiliated anyway, I might as well be humiliated as I ate cookies.

In retrospect, I guess it must have all happened for the best. I am now firmly recommitted to follow our local leader's council to not bring cell phones into the Church buildings at all. EVER. And the whole experience did prevent me from progressing from "pleased" to "prideful".

And really, it could have been a whole lot worse. At least the words to the Gilmore Girls theme fit in really well with the evening's subject matter. My"Wicked Witch of the West" "Harry Potter" ringtones would have done a lot more damage.

And I don't even want to think about the consequences of the missed call having come from my Dad.

I don't know if I could have shown my face in that ward ever again if my phone had sung out"If You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife. So From My Personal Point of View, Get an Ugly Girl to Marry You."

Maybe I will ditch the music all together and go back to the old school ringtones that do nothing but ring. This was one of those cases when I sure wish I had been saved by a plain old bell.