Searching For Summer... An Honor's Kidlet Quest-let

Once upon a time, many hours ago, the Honor's English class set out on a quest... a quest to find summer.

The "summer" they were seeking wasn't the nine-week vacation from school. No, the wealth of experience they had gained during their long 13 years of life had taught them that "summer: the vacation," would eventually arrive. They were searching for something much more elusive: the actual season of "summer".

Most had heard tales of this "summer" from those who had ventured beyond our state's boarders to places where the growing season lasts longer than the audition phase of American Idol. A lucky few had even experienced "summer" after managing, though some fortuitous stoke of fate, to be awake and in town that week at some point in the past.

These brave crusaders believed in a "summer" camping trip that wouldn't require snow shovels and multiple pairs of long underwear. They hoped for "summer" swimming lessons that won't start with breaking a layer of ice off the top of the pool. They longed to play baseball on a field, instead of in a giant puddle of mud.

The kidlets wanted summer, darn it. And they wanted it now.
And so, after spending the supposed "spring months" doing some honor's level shivering, this brave group of over-achievers decided to sacrifice some of their pre-finals-study-time to track down our wayward warm weather.

This particular group of kidlets was able to make this quest because they met a very strict list of extremely rigorous qualifications: 1) their class time occurred during the universally accepted time frame of lunch, 2) they all returned signed permission slips, and 3) they didn't set anything in the classroom on fire that one time I had to run something down to the office during class.

Also, unlike the communications kidlets pictured below, they did not use their allotted 4th quarter class presentation time to demonstrate the process of dressing a very unfortunate cat in a onesie. Now, that's not to say that they wouldn't have done it had the thought occurred to them, because I'm sure they would have. The point is that they made it through the semester without any incidents of animal cruelty and/or humiliation. So, unlike the com. kidlets, the honors English kids got to take a "field trip" a bit further from the classroom than the vending machines outside the lunchroom.
Dressed in hooded sweatshirts and armed with an impressive store of knowledge that included memorized car insurance commercials and a slightly skewed sense of direction, they set out on their search for summer.

Also counted amongst their list of assets was their teacher/leader/inspiration, Miss H, who occasionally shouted out helpful advice such as, "Cross the street in a group!", "Stay out of people's yards, "Don't wave back to strangers in windowless vans", and "Don't pick up random jack rabbits by the ears unless you brought hand sanitizer with you!"

Besides shouting out helpful advice, Miss H spent the majority of her time counting and recounting kidlets in an attempt to make sure that none of them took the opportunity to escape from the field trip, return to the school, and take as many extra finals as they could before 3rd hour ended. Honors kidlets are weird like that.

Seventeen minutes and 34 car insurance commercial reenactments later, the kidlets arrived at their destination, the local symbol of summer: Dairy Queen!

They spent a great deal of time perusing the menu, hoping to order the most summerish items possible.

Then they packed themselves into the sun room part of the dining area, dipping fries in ice cream, drinking fry sauce, and soaking up the warm rays of sunshine.

As long as they didn't think about the rain clouds on the horizon or the 4th hour final they had waiting for them back at the junior high, it was easy for them to pretend that the elusive summer weather had arrived at last.

They were happy. And a little sticky. And, owing to the fact that they were almost 8th graders, kind of smelly.


They were so pleased with the results of their quest for summer, they managed to be model customers. They were polite. They used their inside voices, even when singing along with the dining atmosphere background muzak. They chewed with their mouths closed and kept the kidlet carnage to a minimum.

The physical carnage, that is. The level of emotional carnage caused by this little outing has somehow remained constant over the years.

All too soon, it was time for the kidlets to return to the school. Unfortunately, the combination of leaving the exaggerated warmth warmth of the glass sun room, consuming vast amounts of frozen treats, and the day's very unsummerish windchill, resulted in a return to their shivering status quo.

They didn't waste any time waving to strangers in windowless vans or trying to catch stray jack rabbits. Once the school was in sight, they started jogging towards their warm classroom and their waiting finals.

Of course, I guess they just could have looked like they were jogging due to the 35 mph wind gusts blowing in the general direction of their finals.

But either way, they couldn't get in those doors fast enough. Excited to get back to school? Honors kidlets are weird like that.

After a short period of reflection, and a mass exodus to the washrooms, the kidlets decided their quest was a success. They had tasted "summer", the freedom, the warmth, and the sweetness, the cups upon cups of free, chug-able fry sauce... if only for one brief moment. And now they could face the rest of finals week with the hope of better things to come...

... like after-school-desk-naps with dreams of nine weeks of empty creative writing turn-in boxes. At least, that was the hope of one of the summer searchers. Honors teachers are weird like that.

Want to see more photos of field trip traumatized Miss H? check out the posts from the first three DQ honors walks...

The Original DQ Adventure, 2008

Wild Kingdom Kidlet DQ Migration, 2009

Frozen Treats for Frozen Kidlets, 2010

Greg's Last Phone Call, Part II

Greg flys into SLC in two weeks! We are just a little bit excited!2:51 – Mom asks about all of the traveling that Greg has been doing lately. Greg says he has had a lot of leadership meetings in Lisbon. He adds, “We just got back from speaking with a 70 and the Church lawyer.” Homely says, “Hey, I talked to a 70 and Church lawyer last week.” Greg says, “That’s nice Dad, but I was taking to them about preparing for the two Portuguese missions to combine, not planning a defense strategy.” Homely says, “Oh.”

2:52 – Mom asks Greg how long it takes to get to Lisbon from his area. Greg says it is a 1 ½ hour bus ride into Lisbon, with no traffic. Homely asks if he ever thinks about the time at the start of his mission when he lost and the old man helped him. Mom mists-up and says, “That little old man was a guardian angel.” Mindy says, “Didn’t that little old guy charge you for the help?” Mom says, “Even angels have to made adjustments in today’s economy.”

2:53 –Homely says that Greg was lucky and blessed even if the old guy did charge him money. Greg said he was at the same station yesterday and thought about his directional-angel-for-pay. Homely says, “It’s funny how things have changed. Now you know what you are doing.” Greg says, “Yeah. I really have changed.”

2:54 – Homely, suddenly filled with hope, asks Greg, “Does that mean you have stopped washing your hands every ten minutes.” Greg says, “Um, no.” Mom makes a mental note to start stocking up on hand sanitizer.

2:55 - Homely asks about Greg’s newest companion. Greg reports that he is currently serving with Elder Smith from Utah. Homely snickers and asks if that is the kid’s real name. Mindy thinks about Elder Moreman from her mission. Mindy snickers.

2:56 - Greg says that his last companion was into some creepy things… like the Bone Chapel. Greg says it is a little church made with human bones, including over 5,000 skulls. Mindy gets a bit grossed out. Mom says, “I Googled that! It looks pretty cool.” Mindy decides against having Mom help decorate for the next big Stake Relief Society Meeting. 2:57 – Homely says, “Speaking of creepy things, what was up with that guy you e-mailed about who brought a knife to Church?” Greg says there is a crazy guy in the branch who freaks out the other members . He recently brought a knife to Church and threatened to kill all of the other Church-folk. Greg said they “handled things” and that mission president is going to get involved to help out.

2:58 – Mom excuses herself to grab her passport and her prepacked “Rescue Greggie” bag.

2:59 - Mindy says, “President Obama came up with a great new plan for dealing with crazy people who threaten to kill other people…send Seal Team Six to shoot them in the head.” Greg says he doesn’t think his Church distribution request form has a “Seal Team” section. Homely says that, with Greg’s mission president’s gangster-busting, law enforcement background, President Torgan could be a Seal Team unto himself.

3:00 – Mom returns from checking plane tickets to Portugal on Expedia and asks if the missionaries there get many dinner appointments. Greg says the branch Relief Society President feeds them every week and calls the missionaries her grandsons. Mom decides that she really likes the branch Relief Society President. She makes a mental note to stop by and thank that sweet sister in person … after she get’s all Seal-Team-Six on the knife-wielding psycho who threatened her baby.

3:01 - Mom asks if that sister is the only one who feeds them. Greg says they eat with the branch President on Sundays. He cooks rice and pasta. Mom makes a note to make steak and potatoes for the missionaries when she feeds them next week.

3:02 - Homely says, “Well, I guess we should start saying our goodbyes.” Mom ignores him and asks how far the Church building is from Greg’s apartment. Greg says it is only a two minute walk. Mom goes back to looking at the map. “So, it’s by the castle?” she asks. “You mean the cathedral?” Greg counters. “No. The Castle,” Mom says. “You mean the university?” Greg asks?

3:03 – Mindy tells them to knock it off because she already put that exchange in the first blog post and she needs new material.

3:04 – Greg says that they spend most of their time outside of the city. He explains, “It’s mostly old people who live in the city and don’t want to talk to us.” Mindy thinks he should consider calling the old Portuguese people on the phone because the Elderly Americans he has been talking to for the last hour seem to enjoy it.

3:05 – Once again, Homely tries to end the phone call. Greg says he is helping to plan a pioneer themed activity for the branch and asks about pioneer games, songs, and dances. Mom tries to explain the Virgina Reel to Greg. She mentions a lot of swinging to the right and to the left. All of the talk about swinigng makes Mindy a bit motion sick.

3:06 - Mom asks if there will be other Elders traveling with Greg. Greg says six other Elders will fly into SLC with him. “We are already planning to do something goofy as we get off the plane.” Homely counsel’s Greg, “Whatever you do, do it with clothes on. Don’t come off the plane in nothing but a name tag.”

3:07 – “Um, you do know which son you are talking to, right? I wasn’t the one who was arrested for indecent exposure after mooning a cop,” Greg reminds Homely, then adds, “By the way, how is Spencer?” Mom says the NFL players are still locked out, but Spencer is still working and he is hoping to come over to see Greg and Bubba on the 4th of July.

3:08 – Homely says that Spencer was going to call Greg, but his laptop died this morning and he has a huge test in his MBA program tomorrow. Greg makes a sad noise and says, “That’s rough. Spencer gets really obsessive about his grades." Mindy almost swallows her tongue trying not to laugh at the OCD pot calling the stress-case kettle black.

3:09 – Homely says, “This phone call is going to last longer than Greg’s trans-Atlantic flight.” Mom asks if the phone call has made him trunky. Greg says no. Homely says, “Your mom was grading papers when the Church travel office called about your flight plans, and now she hasn’t graded a single paper in six weeks. She is the trunky one.”

3:10 - Dad tells Greg that he will be reporting to the High Council and then speaking in Sacrament meeting the Sunday after he gets home. Greg says, “Oh great. Is it too late to extend?” Mindy offers to write Greg’s talk.

3:11 – Homely tells Greg not to worry because they have his whole life is planned out for him. “Even got a girl picked out…” Homely adds. “Yep. Definitely gonna stay here a few more months,” Greg says.

3:12 – Mom says, “We had better let him go.” Greg wishes Homely good luck on his school board campaign. “Homely says, “ I’ll send you an absentee ballot, just be sure to send it back real quick. The election is coming up soon.” Mom says, “It had better be soon. There are so many orange and black signs all over the stake, it looks like Halloween.”

3:13 - Homely says, “Four weeks and two days. Wow. I don’t know if I’m more excited about you coming home or eating at In-N-Out.” Greg asks about eating at Taco Bandito. Mindy promises to buy him plenty of Taco Bandito food when he comes to visit her.

3:14 - Homely says, “Be safe, be happy, and enjoy it.” Mom tells Greg to get some rest. Homely says, “Try not to be homesick.” Greg says, “I just feel bad about not seeing a lot of results lately.” Mindy says, “At least you are seeing more results than Abinadi… and your mission release isn’t going to involve being burned at the stake.”

3:15 - Greg says, “Oh yeah. I didn’t think about that.” Greg says goodbye, possibly tearing up a bit before he hangs up the phone, ending the last in a long, long line of missionary phone calls.

Elder Greg's Last Phone Call, Part I

*Note: Due to the fact that I took about three hours worth of notes during the one hour phone call, I decided to split this post into two parts. Those of you with things to besides checking my blog can thank me later.


1:55 – While Homely tracks down the assorted house phones, Mom and Mindy discuss how excited they are to talk to Elder Greg.

2:03 – Mom and Mindy, still deep in conversation about conversing with Greg, realize that Homely has made the call and has in fact been talking to Greg for seven or eight minutes.

2:04 – Homely announces to Greg that the goal for this phone call is to make him as trunky as possible. Greg announces that, after almost two years in Portugal, he now only understands six English words, none of which are “Trunky ,” but two of which are “Jimmer”. 2:05 – Mom, in an attempt to thwart Homely’s attempts to trunkify Greg, asks about Jose, one of Greg’s most recent investigators. Greg says Jose sounds less enthusiastic and has been missing appointments.

2:10 – Undeterred, Mom asks about a sweet lady Greg taught and baptized in his last area. Greg says she had a metal breakdown and refuses to leave her apartment. Mindy mutters, “Strike two,” under her breath.

2:15 – Mom changes tactics and asks about the weather. Greg says that this area is one of the hottest cities in the mission and everything is in full bloom… including his allergies.

2:16 – Mom gives up and jumps on the trunky train, asking what kind of shirt Greg would like her to purchase for his post-mission life.

2:20 – Homely asks if Mindy wants to talk to Greg. Mindy says she would love to, but she is too busy typing notes for her blog post. Homely makes a comment that calls into question the historical accuracy of Mindy’s phone call posts.

2:21 – Mindy is about to type his disparaging comment, when she realizes she can type whatever the heck she wants. She mumbles, “The power, Muwaahaha, the power!” and types… Homely says, “The only thing I would ever change about Mindy’s blog would be having more references to my favorite college sports program, the University of Utah Utes.”

2:22 – Mom tells Greg that she Googled the town he is serving in and printed off a map. She asks if he lives near the castle. Greg asks, “The cathedral?” Mom says, “No, the CASTLE.” Greg asks, “The university?” Mom says, “THE CASTLE.” Greg says, “Sure.”

2:23 – Mom describes her Googled map to him and asks which street he lives on. Greg says their street, Tavolant Traveassa, is tiny so it is probably not on the map. He gives his address using funky directions in Portuguese. Mom makes plans to stalk Greg via Google Earth.

2:30 – Homely tells Greg, “We went to a Portuguese movie last night.” Greg is impressed and asks what they saw. Homely says, “Mindy talked us into seeing Fast Five.” Greg is confused. Mom explains that the movie is set in Brazil and, because cultural authenticity is a hallmark of Vin Diesel films, many of the characters spoke Portuguese. “We had to read subtitles,” Mom concludes.

2:31 – Homely makes a comment about Mindy’s appreciation of Vin Diesel’s many talents, which Mindy types as, “I am constantly amazed at the subtle nuances of Mr. Diesel’s portrayal of such a emotionally complex character as Dom Torretto. I will be eternally grateful to Mindy for recommending this superb film.”

2:33 – Homely asks if the mission office has given Greg his travel plans. Homely warns him not to eat much during the flight because Homely will be driving him right from the airport to In-N-Out Burger. Greg says, “Cool!” Homely says, “And then we will stop there again for lunch on the way home the next day.” Greg, whose major cheeseburger exposure has been at a place called BurgerRanch, is suddenly very happy.

2:35 – Mom explains to Greg that, unlike the other four missionaries in the family, he will be met in SLC instead of at the IF airport. Greg doesn’t seem concerned, saying, “That’s still a ways away.” Mom says, “Um, you fly home in a month.” Greg says, “Oh…Crap.”

2:37 – Mom tells Greg that he will leave Portugal on a Monday and then fly for the next two days. She asks if she needs to have clean clothes waiting for him. Greg says that he will have time to do laundry at mission home because they won’t be leaving until later in the day. He goes on to explain that, “The president doesn’t like to get up early to see the missionaries off.”

2:38 – Mindy, although she loves her early-to-rise-cattle-rancher-mission-president, day dreams for a moment about having a mission president who believes in sleeping in. She rejoins the conversation as Greg announces that he will scavenge for a really big bag to use as a carry-on.

2:40 – Mom tells Greg that he is registered for fall semester at BYU, courtesy of Mikey and Jenny. Homely tells Greg about his class schedule, emphasizing that he is NOT registered for the marriage and family class. Greg is relieved.

2:42 - Homely says he got in trouble in his BYU marriage and family class for raising his for asking if there was a Marriage and Family lab for which he could register.

2:43 – Mom tells Greg that they have taken care of his BYU housing and that he will be living with Mikey. Homely apologizes. Mom wonders if it is too late to sign Mikey up for a marriage and family class.

2:44 – Mom asks Greg about the birthday money she sent him. Greg says he bought a tie and a new pair of jeans. Mom asks about the shopping opportunities in his area. Greg says, “The Gypsies sell stuff cheep.” Homely asks if Greg could bring a gypsy home for Mikey to date, adding “Unshaved legs don’t bother him.”

2:45 – Greg, anxious to stop talking about hairy gypsy legs, asks about Warren and Becky’s new baby. Homely says Bubba is a cutie. Greg says, "So... he doesn't look like Warren?" Mom says Bubba has his momma's dark hair and good looks. Greg says, "Prayers are answered."

2:48 – Greg’s sniffle’s distract Mom from talking about her adorable new grandbaby. Mom tells Greg that he needs to take allergy meds. Greg says he has been taking some, but they don’t really work so he has been asking the other missionaries what they do to combat their allergies. Greg said the other missionaries who have served in this area recommend drinking local honey and eating cloves of garlic.

2:49 – Mindy thinks that the Elders are trying to punk Greg with the honey and garlic advice and considers warning him about near-dead-elder-hazing.

2:49:30 – Mindy imagines Greg trying the honey and garlic advice and realizes that it would make a great future blog post. She encourages Greg to give it a try. “And have your companion take photos,” she adds.

2:50 – Homely attempts to make a comment about Mindy’s blog-centric motivation for encouraging Greg to eat raw garlic cloves, but Mindy tunes him out and types… “Dad agrees with Mindy, finally admitting that she is his favorite child. “Mindy is the Jimmer of our family,” say he.

*Tune in later in the week for more details from Greg's last missionary phone call, including...

---What Greg was doing in a church building made from human bones.

---Why Homely counseled Greg to avoid arriving at the SLC airport "wearing nothin' but a name tag".

---How Greg handled the crazy dude who showed up at the Branch building with a knife.

and

---More things that Homely should have said, but didn't.

Nine Excuses and One Really Big Meeting

Exactly one week ago, I was supposed post the Mindyified transcript of Elder Greg's very last mission phone call. But... I didn't get around to it that day. Or the next. Or the next. But I wasn't just slacking for slacking's sake. I promise. The last few days (weeks? months?) have been a bit busy.

My newest niblet visited my cowtown for the first time, so I had to welcome him (Credits: Photo by Mindy, Onesie by Jenny, Baby by Becky... We make a great team!)

Greg would totally understand my need to spend time with Bubba and his sisters.

Then there was the ten minute 6th grade orientation video that took me about 52 hours to film and edit. And the three hundred creative writing projects that needed to be graded.

I am also substituting for the sunbeams teacher for a couple of weeks, so there were primary lessons to review and pre-traumatic-stress deep breathing exercises to practice.

The junior high's talent show was this week (Great Work Val, Kim, and Marta!), so I had to help my yearbook kids prep for their act.

And speaking of yearbook, there was a very wet, very cold track meet that I needed to attend in my official capacity as yearbook book Jedi master.

And then there was Thursday night's science fair, which deserves a post of its own. Stay tuned for a blog-worthy bevy of inventions that sprang forth from the very creative minds of our 7th and 8th graders.

I did have about an hour or so Thursday between the talent show and a Relief Society meeting when I was going to try to get some Greg info posted, but Blogger picked that same window of time to perform what better have been some very VERY important maintenance.

As annoying as Blogger's shutdown was, it did give me a few much needed minutes to finish filling the last of 325 service seed packets with service idea slips.

Those seed packets are not only my 9th excuse for delaying my Elder Greg post, they are also the transition into the second half of this post. You see, those service seed packets were made especially for our 2nd Stake Relief Society Meeting.

Remember last year's meeting, our presidency's first, for which we turned the cultural hall into a Celestial room with optional basketball capabilities? If not, feel free to read about it HERE.

Well, this year we decided to go with a more understated approach. No towering topiaries or miles of twinkle lights this year, no-sir-ee.

This year we kept it simple...

Well, not quite THAT simple, but simpler than last year.

Instead of ten miles of twinkle lights, we used a just little over 300 satin sashes, and instead of a six-foot-tall flower arrangement in the middle of the room, we went with beautiful potted plants on each of the 37 tables.

Much simpler. Far simpler. Mucho simpler.

Except for the 8x10 foot temporary stage that had to be built in the middle of the gym, but that was for function rather than form, so it doesn't count.

The one thing that might not have been all that simple was the dinner. Turkey wraps with herbed cream cheese and a cranberry orange sauce served with a salad of spring greens, strawberries, oranges, feta cheese, candied nuts, and a raspberry vinaigrette with individual cheesecakes for dessert doesn't count as simple. Especially not when you are preparing plates for 300. But thanks to our wonderful committee members, even the not-simple-dinner went smoothly.

We owe a lot to our wonderful committee ladies... and all of our friends and family members to stuck around to help deconstruct our "simple" meeting set-up. They are all angels... chair-stacking, sash-folding, dish-washing, floor-mopping angels.

And don't even get me started on how fabulous our nursery leaders were. Three brethren from the singles branch Elders Quorum ran the nursery for us. In return for their selfless service, I now owe them some seriously wonderful refreshments for an activity of their choice. I was going to give them my first born child, but they crossed out that clause in their contracts after hanging out in the nursery for two and a half hours. I really can't imagine what might have brought on that little change of heart...

The night went pretty smoothly for us (except for Sister Hobson's skirt adventure that is not only worthy of its own post, but also deserves it's own episode of MacGuyver) thanks to all of our in-stake helpers and our out-of-town performers. Their program had us laughing and crying all night.

So now, with two successful stake meetings under our belts, we are already feeling the pressure to make next year's event even more memorable. But don't worry about us too much. I already have a plan.

For our first meeting, President and Sister Jones spoke and bore their testimonies. This year we had three sisters sing, dance, and bear their testimonies. Next year, I think we should combine the two ideas and have President Jones sing and dance. The sisters in the stake would LOVE it and, if we agree to pay President in dinner mints, I think he might just go for it.

So now that our meeting is over and my 300 creative writing projects are (over half) graded, I will see what I can do about getting Greg's phone call posted. And the science fair projects. And Jolene's skirt adventure.

I guess it's a good thing summer vacation is right around the corner. So many posts, so little time.