Forget the GOP We Had Ourselves a G.O.(H).P. (Grand Old Halloween Party) Tonight!

As you can see from the photo below, I have always been a fan of Church Halloween Parties. This is me way back in the year mummble, mummble, ah humm, mumble clowning around with my rootin' tootin' older sister. I'm pretty sure my hair style in this picture was the result of my sister finding an unattended pair of scissors and luring me into the basement, but that is a story for another post.
This post is about me being lured to a party thrown by folks even sneakier than older sisters...Politicians.

But wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. I should start at the beginning, which just happened to be around 5 o'clock this evening. I had made it home from school and was getting ready for our branch Halloween FHE. We were supposed to come in costume and, since I went as a Harry Potter character last year, I decided I needed a new, cheap, exciting, cheap, creative, and cheap costume...so I decided to go as a Canadian.

It's not hard to become a Canadian for Halloween. All you need is...a shirt celebrating a Canadian holiday, a pair of big warm boots, a charming toque (hat, for all you non Canadians), a skirt made of duct tape, an OHIP card entitling you to "free" socialized health care, and a teensy tiny inferiority complex (Dude, I am totaly joking about that last one, Canadians. Really. So please don't leave comments on this post telling me I'm a hoser, ok?).



Throw it all together and you get a costume that would make a Mountie, his horse, and the moose he just shot all stand at attention and sing "O Canada" at the top of their lungs. Pretty cool, eh?

I was pretty excited about the party until I pulled up at the Hobson's house and discovered that the "party" had been an elaborate ruse to get unsuspecting branch members to attend a campaign event hosted by none other than Senator John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin!

I have to admit, the experience felt a whole lot like the time when a cute little old (and very Republican) sister in our ward found out that my parents, the parents of six, count them SIX, children were Democrats. Apparently the thought of that many children being raised outside of the influence of the GOP moved her to offer to pay to send the lot of us to summer camp...Republican summer camp. You know, just to "help out."

Not that I have anything against Republicans. It's just that, as a registered independent (although, I did have a wild three-week fling with Libertarianism this summer...My heart will go on, Ron Paul, but I'll never forget you!) I would have preferred at least a special guest appearance by Ralph Nader (and really, when someone mentions "crazy Halloween parties", whose first thought isn't "Ralph Nader"?)

But as far as political events go, this one was pretty well planned. Not all of the usual John McCain supporters were in attendance. For example, Joe the Plumber couldn't make it but Wes the chef was more than happy to whip up some delicious refreshments. The tasty treats all had Halloween names...

...and were made from produce grown by nonunion workers.

And when it was time to dish up (after a blessing on the food, of course) McCain/Pallin supporters from all walks of life came together to eat conservative amounts of middle class food from the right side of the table while shunning the liberal temptations over on the left.

Eager to show that they are looking out for the millions of Americans who are feeling the financial pinch this election season, the GOP candidates happily welcomed their constituents who were in need of extra money to help pay their mortgages...and to pay for karate lessons so that they can rescue their family members from the liberal elite ninjas.

The distinguished senator even showed his middle class roots by playing "bartender", dispensing butter beer (the non alcoholic kind, mom. I was at FHE, not a family reunion). Here he is following in the great political tradition of getting the Indians all liqueured up before election day.

And Governor Palin kept busy showing off her baby and schmoozing with two of the campaign's biggest donation sources...the Chinese and pirates.

Because it was a Republican event, the military was out in force...

...as were the western cowgirl conservatives.

But, with election day coming closer, the McCain/Palin camp felt it was necessary to cover all their bases and reach out to some of the electorate who don't usually lean to the right when they enter the polling booth.

The witch vote, for example, could end up making or breaking this election.


And I have to admitt that I was suprised to see representatives from the storybook union at the party, but it all made sense when they pulled out thier NRA membership cards.

But die-hard republican supporters, like hula girls, Mormon missionaries, and Eastern European Barmaids were not overlooked in the race to win the undecideds.

But last minute electoral math wasn't the only political activity taking place during the party. Krystal the Hippie was busy making sure she had a room reserved in hotel Canada for the next time she decided to doge the draft or exercise civil disobedience by not paying her taxes.

And Little Miss Ruth Muffet took the opportunity to cut out the middle man and go right to the source of curds and whey production. Of course, she had to wait her turn to talk to bovine princess Diana, who was busy discussing clover subsidies with wood sprite Heather from the mythical creatures lobby.

Sister Woodhouse taught us all a valuable lesson in "throwing" an election during the "pelt the branch presidency with candy corn" game...

...while the branch presidency showed off their deft political moves while trying to catch as much corn as possible (insert your own government/taxes joke here...it's late and I'm tired).

At the end of the party, the McCain/Palin ticket demonstrated how "tolerant" they are by accepting some decidedly non conservative folks as fellow party-goers.

The simple fact that they welcomed Buella the Dallas Cowgirl/she-male cheerleader with open arms made me rethink a lot of my preconceived notions about Republicans.

By the end of the evening, I had become a McCain/Palin convert. I was ready to march down to the nearest polling place and cast my vote for the P.O.W. Powerhouse and his lovely assistant Caribou Barbie...alas, as a Canadian (a Canadian for Halloween), I am totally disenfranchised in this country. Pretty disappointing, eh? At least the party was worth crossing boarders for. And really, if all of the people featured in the photos in this post can put aside their differences and get along for a couple of hours, maybe there is hope for the the rest of the country after all.