Remember How I Was Just Saying How Safe It Is To Visit Me?

My sister Jenny was almost talked into letting her kids (even the ones she likes) come to visit me during fair week this summer. Of course, she was in the process of setting some conditions and ground rules. I wasn't going to be allowed to take them to Shoshone Falls, to the river, or to the pool. And the fair food, rides, and animals bigger than a breadbox were going to be off limits. And they were going to have to wear helmets at all times, but still... they were going to get to visit.

Then Mikey, my second most babiest of brothers decided to visit my cute little valley so he could visit one of his cute little friends.

Mikey has been living with Jenny this summer, so she has kind of adopted into her sphere of psychotic worriness and expressed concerns about the possibility of Mikey participating in any normal southern Idaho pastimes (i.e. hiking, sugar beet harvesting, cliff jumping, bull riding, rattlesnake juggling, etc). Hence, Mikey became a very tall test case for a visit from Jenny's actual kids.


He had only been in my valley for about 19 hours, and only out of my sight for about two of those, when I jokingly sent him a text about Jenny putting his name on the temple prayer roll.

This is the text he sent me in reply:


I thought he was kidding.... until he walked back through my door several hours later with a head wound, which resulted in this text from Jenny:

Now, before this post goes any further, I think I need to make a few things clear. First of all, Mikey didn't get shot. Yes, he was injured by a gun, but not by the end of a gun that usually injures people. Secondly, he is fine... or at least as close to fine as he has ever been. And third, chronicling his adventure using nature photos was his idea, inspired by his great desire not to have me following him around taking photos. The decision to use photos of the animal he most closely resembles, however, was my idea.
Mikey's visit started out well and good and head injury-less. In fact, my biggest concern (up until his run-in with the gun) was that he was having trouble nesting on my couch that had turned out to be about a foot too short for his freakishly tall frame.

It may have taken him a while, but he finally found a comfortable position in which to snooze.

Of course, he didn't get a ton of time to sleep before I woke him up for a little 6 a.m. lap swimming. But he was a really good sport about the early hour, cold water, and the high rate of accidental consumption of drowned insects.

Luckily, he hadn't swallowed enough drowned bugs to effect his appetite because my dearest darling friends Bill, Valerie, and Spencer had prepared an amazing Brazilian lunch for us that afternoon (Thanks again, most wonderful Atkins family!).

Of course, while the swimming and the eating were wonderful, the purpose from Mikey's visit to my adopted homeland was to play basketball one last time with his friend Kari before she leaves for the MTC.

But before Mikey had a chance to show off his skills with a ball, he had to show off his lack of skills with a gun. Having forgotten that his only experience shooting was as a 14 year-old boys scout, Mikey was unprepared for the power of an actual gun. With his very first shot, Mikey's face became very well acquainted with the butt of the rifle, resulting in a broken pair of sunglasses, a large bruise, and three holes in his head.

I thought the situation was fairly entertaining and bolgworthy... until my valley's per capita gun ownership became the newest reason why my sister won't let her actual kids come hang out.

Thankfully, Mikey is going to come back up again about a month before the fair, giving me another chance to prove that visits to the Magic Valley don't have to end with blood and tears...

... as long as everyone follows Jenny's helmet rule, that is.

Reason #17 Why My Sister Doesn't Visit Me: Shoshone Falls

...or as Jenny calls it, "Yet another place near Mindy's house where my children could be killed."

Other locations on my beloved elder sister's Southern Idaho deathtraps list include: the Snake River (death by drowning), Durfee's Hot Springs (death by scalding), City of Rocks National Preserve (death by falling), Balanced Rock (death by squishing in the event the rock becomes unbalanced), Massacre Rocks (self explanatory), Starr's Ferry (death by excessive and unnecessary use of the letter 'r'), and that cute little carnival that sets up in the JC Penny's parking lot every summer (death by Ferris wheel ,funnel cake, and/or carnival worker) . I can understand Jenny's reluctance to introduce her children to a waterfall that is taller than Niagara. I mean, while they are extremely cute, her kids are also extremely accident prone; at least one of them suffers an accidental injury roughly every 12.4 minutes. And that's not counting the injuries they regularly inflict upon each other (Bentley takes karate and the baby recently grew teeth and developed a taste for human flesh).
And I admit that teasing Jenny about this particular topic is kind of hypocritical considering my firm belief that Nature wants to eat me.

As I have tried to explain my friends who keep trying to talk me into giving white water rafting a second try , Nature's number one goal is to eat people. This has been nature's goal ever thousands of years and will use any of the weapon's in its arsenal (bears, sharks, tornado's, waterfalls, squirrels, etc) to accomplish it.

And, while Nature does want to eat people in general, I think Nature has a special grudge against me. That grudge may have something to do with the kitten I apparently smothered and/or decapitated in the photo below.

It turns out, Nature really likes kittens, probably because they have the ability to eat people (Of course, that would also mean that Nature would really like Jenny's cannibalistic baby, so she should at least be willing to send him up to see the falls).

Where Jenny and I differ is that (with the exception of the white water rafting thing) I don't let my fears keep me from experiencing life to the fullest. I ride 4-wheelers (as a passenger) in nature's back yard, I visit Shoshone Falls at least once ever summer, and I spend 9 months of every year teaching in a classroom with a homicidal pull-down screen whose many attempts on my life have been documented by countless junior high students.

I went to Shoshone falls twice last week: Once with Elizabeth and her sisters (who, by the way, visit their sister all the time, cough, cough), and then again the next day with Krystal and Katie.
As you can tell from the photos below, I survived. Me. The kitty-killer nature has been seeking revenge against for decades. Elizabeth's baby nephew and Krystal's medium-smallish niece also manage to walk/be carried away from the overlook.

So, since those two adorable test cases managed to survive, I think that Jenny should reconsider her anti-falls stance. Her kids would be love it ...

After all, Krystal's niece had a blast...

And just look at how impressed Elizabeth's nephew was with our local natural wonder....

Then we could all go swimming at Dierkes Lake, the fun, family swimming hole located just a short walk upstream from the falls.

Ooops. I didn't really mean, "upstream from the falls". Really, Jenny, I didn't. The lake is just, ummm, above the falls. A beautiful, non-lethal, green and blue oasis in the middle of a lava rock desert that is in no way attached or connected to the 212 foot waterfall below. I think.

Jenny wouldn't even have to worry about the chemicals or mutant bacteria in public pools. This swimming hole is all natural, the only additions to the water being large amounts of fish and duck poop.

And I am sure that her kids wouldn't be interested in jumping off the cliffs into the water outside the designated swimming area.
Nope. Her kids wouldn't be into that at all.

But if Jenny is still a little nervous about bringing her kids up to visit Shoshone Falls, we could always take the advice of the very informative signs posted in various locations around the park.

A kid on a leash is not an unusual sight at the falls.

In fact, Jenny could borrow Becky's girls' leashes for the littlest kids.

Or she could pick up five matching leashes at Petco. And while she is there, she could get a muzzle for the baby.According to his apparently delicious big brothers, those front teeth of his have gotten pretty sharp.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Fathers Day to the one and only Homely...
a.k.a Dad, Pa, coach, Bishop, High Counselor, teacher, school board trustee...

... salesman, artist, cartoonist, story-teller, jokester, speaker-extraordinaire, golfer, social butterfly...

... missionary chauffeur, barbecuer, babysitter, booster club president, prolific letter writer, dedicated IF fan, passionate cougar fan, Bills fan, and all-around good guy.

A month or so ago, I was gushing to my dear old dad about my wonderful new apartment. "One of the best things," I told him, "is the lack of creepy-crawlies. My old place had a billion spiders, but I have only had to squish like, two tiny spiders here."

And how did my helpful father reply? "Well," said he, "that means you probably have about three giant spiders somewhere that are eating all of the little ones."

Thanks dad. Really.

Love and handshakes!

Mindy Marie

Zoology

Shortly after Greg's triumphant return to the States, he and I took a little trip to the zoo with Becky , Kenna, Kylie, and Bubba.

Becky and Warren buy a zoo membership every year so that Becky and the girls can have a fun escape while Wo is working.

But as the girls have gotten older (and faster), it has become kind of difficult for Becky to take the kids on her own. Besides increasing their personal MPH's, the girls tend to run in opposite directions. Plus, even though kid's TV can teach valuable lessons, shows like Sesame Street fail to convey the important message that, not matter how cute and fuzzy nature may appear, it still wants to eat you.

Since Greg and I share an affinity for Becky, her kids, and the zoo, we were more than happy to tag along, see the sights, and help snatch the girls from the jaws of death every few minutes.

Greg was excited to visit the zoo because, 1) he didn't have to wear a suit, 2) he is a big fan of the animal sciences, 3) they have conveniently placed hand sanitizing stations scattered across the grounds, and 4) most of the animals come in pairs or other even numbers.

It was a perfect day for a trip to the zoo. The sun was out, the air was warm, and there was just enough of a wind to keep that "special" zoo fragrance at a minimum.

Everyone had a blast... except Baby Bubba. He found the zoo to be a bit boring. I'm sure that the poor little guy would have preferred to be napping comfortably in his home, where any off-putting smells were his own. Yep. Poor, poor Bubba.

The girls, either unaware or unconcerned with their brother's "suffering", had a blast reacquainting Greg with their favorite animals.

And they were super excited to show their Uncle Greggie his beloved penguins. Greg's affection for penguins is well known in our family. If anything, his two year LDS mission has only deepened his kinship with the only other critters on earth (besides maitre'ds and morticians) to sport the formal look longer than a Mormon Elder.

But on this trip to the zoo, Greg's favorite critters weren't the penguins. Nope. The animals he loved best were more colorful and talkative and didn't smell at all like rotten fish.

Good thing their cuteness isn't diminished by their sharp little chompers.

Reunited, and it Feels so Good!

We got to the airport a little early Tuesday night so, to pass the time until Greg's flight was due to land, I decided to take photos of the other zillion missionaries who flew into the SLC airport that night. So every time a plane landed and missionaries ventured forth into the arrivals area, I would snap a few random photos.

I snapped one of those "random photos" about 10 minutes before Greg's plane was due to land.
Imagine my surprise when I looked at the photo preview and recognized our very own Greggie. I suppose that makes the official "arrival photo" below an accident... a very happy accident.
He's Baaaaaaack!

Now that Greg is home, our family's next big reunion will be over the 4th of July... maybe.

If the NFL keeps Moose and company locked out, he and Brianna will be able to come for a visit, and then we would have all four dorks together for an updated brothers photo.

For now, we are all very, very happy that Greg has returned with honor... and without parasites.

Welcome home, Ninja Bunny. We love you!