Have You Ever Wondered About What 7th Graders Think About Vampires?

Then today is your lucky day! 

During the second week of school, every kidlet in our school district took a literacy pre-assessement which required them to read some stuff and then write about what they read. The results give the teachers a good idea of what we need to spend the next two semesters teaching. The kidlets then get to do the same type of thing again in the spring so we can compare their essays and see how much they learned about reading, thinking, and writing. 

Each grade level team gets to chose their own prompt and sources, so my fellow 7th grade teachers and I decided to pick some things the kids could have some fun with. For the last two years, the 7th grade pre and post tests have been focused on legendary creatures. The kidlets are given two readings (usually an article and a legend) about a  creature, and then they use those readings (and whatever prior knowledge they have about that creature) to help make an argument for or against that creature's existence. 

Here is this year's prompt and some responses that reminded us why we love working with those awesome 'tweens. 

Background: In our culture, everyone has heard of vampires. They have appeared as everything from glittering schoolboys to hideously deformed monsters. What isn't  known is that their existence has been debated by intellectuals for centuries. 

Prompt: Write a persuasive argument for or against the existence of vampires. Use evidence from the articles provided to support your claim. You must address at least one of the opposing viewpoint's claims with your own counterclaim. 

People think that stories of vampires are just legends. But here’s the thing: Legends aren’t just stories. They come from lessons and ring with truth. I honestly don’t know if they are real, but I think they are.

I am against vampires because they are dangerous and could give you a disease.

Most stories about vampires are from the 1800’s when the people were just weird. 

Then the doctors discovered Pool’s body was swollen. With what, you might ask? Well let me just tell you… it was swollen with blood that was dripping out of his mouth! Gross! I feel bad for those doctors.

Honestly, I do not believe vampires are like Edward from the world famous Twilight (she should have picked Jacob, by the way). I also don’t believe they are hideously deformed, either. But I do believe that even though they have a human silhouette, no one will ever know what they look like.

(About a man who claimed to have been attacked by a vampire) Is he crazy? Yes! He is crazy! When I go to the doctor for shots, I might think she is a lion because she is trying to give me a shot. But is she really a lion? No! She is my doctor who is trying to keep me healthy. 

In most movies, vampires mostly just fall in love. Twilight is about vampires who fall head over heels for each other. In real life, vampires are really just people with tuberculosis who cough up blood. 

Vampires were originally created from sinners. 

Some facts about vampires are that they like to take a bite out of your skin so they can suck your blood. Vampires only bite people so they can get more vampires on their side. If someone gets bitten and starts to turn into a vampire, you want to pray for the whole family and hope the rest of the family don’t turn into vampires…I try to sleep so I can see my windows and doors, just in case. 

Doctors in 1727 didn’t come in contact with a lot of corpses. That said, the doctors wouldn’t know how a corpse looks. But the blood in the dead guy’s mouth, now that is creepy. But today we know that is still normal for a corpse. So that corpse was just doing what a corpse does. 

The article “Beware the Night” is convincing, but not convincing enough. When it says that the man started rubbing dirt all over his body, that is just too weird. Why would you want to rub dirt all over yourself  and try to dig up a grave to suck the blood out of someone? I think you should just go to Stokes, buy some tomatoes, and just suck out the juice. 

And our favorite…

Do you really believe in vampires just because the definition is a wandering, blood-sucking woman who exploits and ruins her lover? I mean, just because some women can suck all your money and energy at the mall does not make them a vampire. It makes them a girl or your wife.

Note To Self

Dearest Darling Future Mindy,

The next time the district public relations lady asks you to do an interview with the local news folks to highlight cool things going on at your school, just say no.

Suggest that they interview your principal or a kidelts, or even  one of the lunch ladies next door.

Gush about the other cool classes, clubs, and activities going on in the building that you are NOT involved in.

But do not, under any circumstances, agree to sit, stand, move, or speak on camera. It is just not worth the stress of worrying about what to say and what to wear and how to stand and what on earth you are supposed to do with your hands.

Seriously, what ARE you supposed to do with your freakin' hands in that situation?

So Mindy, should you ever be asked to go on camera ever again for whatever reason, JUST SAY NO. Don't be flattered. Don't think about how fun it would be for the kidlets. Don't think about the good PR it would be for the district. Just don't.

And if you are tempted, just watch THIS again and remember that your five minutes of fame came along with three days of anxiety.

Love and Handshakes,
Past Mindy

Fiction or NonFiction?

 At the end of every semester, I have the creative writing survivors write letters of advice to next semester's kidlets. The letters must contain pieces of actual advice and fictional advice. Last week, just before I had the fiction vs. nonfiction discussion with my newest group of kidlets, I gave them each a few letters to peruse. Some of the pieces of advice were so fun, I thought I would share them. Junior high brains work in weird, wonderful ways. Enjoy!

Dear Little Child, You have chosen Creative Writing. Should you be scared? Yes. First of all, there is a huge mutant badger who lives in the ceiling. Do not fall asleep. He will eat your feet and you will never be able to walk again. 

I recommend smearing honey and sugar on your feet before you come to class. The sweet smell keeps Earl at bay. 

Miss H doesn’t like 0.9 lead, so never use it when you write in class. I knew this kid who tried to write a story in 0.9 lead and he still isn’t out of the hospital. 

CAUTION! Miss H’s creative writing class is full of weirdness! 

By the end of the year, Miss H will have educated you on Doctor Who, Sherlock, Harry Potter, and many other fandoms. She might even talk about creative writing sometimes. If you want to stay on her good side, complement her on her fez. She loves her fez. 

Don’t ever try to cheat in this class. Miss H’s flying monkeys are always watching and they will rat you out!

Whenever you come into the classroom you must hokie-pokie around the room; no more, no less.

Be careful never to mention One Direction because Miss H gets really sad that Zayne left.

Don’t talk when Miss H is talking or she will sick her mo-bats on you. Also bring pizza every Friday to keep the real bats happy.

The more you write in creative writing, the better you will get at it! Just don’t do it during math. Math teachers don’t care if you are creative or not. 

Always remember to put a space between a and lot. If you write it “alot" Miss H will give you a long boring lecture that takes up the whole class period. Also, shower after PE because ‘tweens need to shower…especially the ones sitting by me in creative writing right now!

Don’t be fooled by the Ironman cutout in the back of the room. He looks like cardboard but he comes to life on occasional Tuesdays in December and May.

Do NOT give in to peer pressure…unless it is GOOD peer pressure. Then, honey, grab it like it’s your sweetheart on a fine summer day.

Always write your name on your paper. If you don’t, many bad, horrible, unthinkable things could happen to you. For example, Miss H’s werewolf boyfriend will attack you! He resides in the closet in the back of the room and, trust me, he is scary!

In this class you will be writing a lot of stories and my advice is to choose the weirdest story ideas possible.

Miss H hates hamsters, so don’t talk about them… EVER! But she loves Doctor Who, so always complement her on her fez.

Never start singing the State Farm commercial (Discount Double Check! Discount Double Check!) because she will call the police and tell them that you are working with terrorists to get a hold of nuclear missiles.

Be sure to put your name on all of your assignments, or they will end up in Miss H’s Charitable Home for Abandoned Papers and you may never see them again. Another thing you need to know is that Miss H hates the color chartreuse. Don’t EVER wear chartreuse, or Miss H will make you do 12,565 pushups in a row.

If you are in class on Miss H’s birthday, be sure to get her something that is Vin Diesel because she has a major crush on him. 

If Vin Diesel ever shows up, tie him up and keep him in the closet until Miss H gets there.

Try to get good class karma and not bad class karma. If you have good class karma she will let you go to the bathroom, even when you are out of hallpasses. 

If Miss H asks you to do a sing-off with her, say NO! She will beat the snot of you (I heard a rumor that she won The Voice a few years ago).

Don’t provoke the 8^th graders; we get mad easily. If you need to approach one of us, softly sing “Carry One My Wayward Son” while holding a piece of pie out in front of you. That is the safest way. But make sure the pie is Chocolate French Silk. If you come at us with pumpkin, things will get crazy.

Adolescent Desk Disorder

Some kidlets just aren't designed for sitting in desks all day.

Take this little guy, for example.

It became pretty obvious early on in the school year that I was going to have to make a choice: spend the year trying to teach him to sit in a desk the way desks were designed to be sat in  OR spend the year trying to teach him how to be a better reader and writer.

Can you tell which curriculum option I went with?

He is a really good, fun, smart kid. He doesn't try to be bouncy or wiggly. He has never walked into class with the express goal of recreating a Cirque Du Soleil routine in the back of the room.

It is just that he can only really focus on one difficult thing at a time, learning or sitting.

He can sit in his desk correctly OR he can participate in the class discussion. 

He can keep his feet on the floor OR he can get his work done.

He can be engaged in the lesson, or he can keep his backside in his seat.

And that is ok because he is THIRTEEN.

Someday soon, the parts of his brain that can think critically, plan, and control impulses will kick in and then siting still and listening won't be mutually exclusive activities.

I hope.

But if not, he can always get a job working at the junior high with the rest of us adults who never quite mastered those sitting-still-skills.

The 2015 PE Shower Song

Once again, the kidlets have proven that they are creative geniuses, especially when inspired by the locker room showers. I am pretty sure that the shower song will be the most popular part of the orientation video again this year. 

2015 Shower Song from Mindy Haws on Vimeo.

Are they not the strangest, most talented, and most brilliant critters you have every seen? 

Now I just need to get the other nine minutes of the video put together before the 6th graders show up on our doorstep. 

In Between Tests

Sometimes kidlets just need to cut stuff up.

For example, when they are in the middle of a six-week testing window, and have to spend waaaaay too much time sitting in front of a computer screen. 

Give them some surgical masks and gloves, a pair of scissors, and some cadaver sentences. Then turn them loose! Chopping up sentences and splattering sentence guts all over some sentence skeletons is the best testing therapy there is!

If the kidlets happen to be 7th graders who have to take five multi-hour tests over the next few weeks, I recommend giving them a day to cut stuff up AND run around by making the dissection activity a relay race.

For that, you will need a surgical suite, so the kidlets don't trip over backpacks or jackets in the classroom. You will also need to remind them over and over and over that they are not allowed to run with the scissors. If you fail to remind them not to run with scissors, there is a good chance one or more of them will be in need of actual surgery before the race is through.

It is amazing how much fun grammar relays can be... when compared to sitting in front of a computer screen for four hours earlier in the week.

It also helps to have brilliant kidlets, which I just so happen to have piles of at the moment.

Brilliant, and loud, and squirrely, and (since they are almost 8th graders) a little fuzzy and kind of stinky. But none of them ran with scissors! 

If you need something else to inject a little fun into the testing window, letting the kidlets nominate literary heroes and villains for a tournament also works well.

After a couple weeks of voting, we ended up with the 2015 champion.

If only defeating the big, hairy, slobbery, fanged tests was as easy...

It's Been Nice Knowing You, Kaitlyn

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but my principal loves a good practical joke.

He also loves semi-good practical jokes, and even kind-of-lame practical jokes. And he is no respecter of persons when it comes to who is on the receiving end of his pranks. District bosses, fellow principals, teachers, lunch ladies, custodians, and kidlets alike have all fallen prey to his mischievous machinations. 

Once, while I was making a quick run down the hall to grab our BNN camera from the library, he sneaked into my classroom and herded all of the kidlets out the back door. He watched through the window in the stage door as I came back to find every desk in my room empty. To this day, I still have kids come back from the high school to reminisce about the day the principal stole my whole 2A class. It was the highlight of their semester. 

My principal is also a pretty good sport when it comes to being on the other end of practical jokes. And by "pretty good sport" I mean he usually won't draw blood or break any federal laws when paying you back. 

Once my equally whimsical assistant principal Deana played a mini-joke on him while we were at a training over in Pocatello. I played a minor role in the minor caper. As the training was resuming the next day, my principal ended a phone call with a somber look on his face and asked if I had locked the outside door to my classroom when I left the night before. Then he proceeded to spin a tale of classroom robbery that still to this day gives me heart palpitations. And that was just for a minor role in a minor prank. I don't even remember what he did to Deana. I hear post-trumatic stress can mess with your memory.

So when our current 7th grade student body president came to me with a plan to "get" the principal as payback for all of the times he had jumped out and scared her and her pals in the hallways, I probably should have warned her about what would happen. 

But I didn't.

Which may of may not make me a terrible person.

The prank went down this past Thursday, with a little help from our awesome attendance secretary, Karmen. I'm not too worried about Karmen, but I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn isn't going to make it though the end of the quarter without experiencing some epic payback. 

Which I really hope ends up on video too.

Which probably does make me a terrible person.

Never Boring

Life surrounded by 500 junior high students is never dull, but some days are a bit more exciting than others... and some are, well, just down right confusing. Case in point: The kidlets have started wearing garbage bags to school.

Garbage bags.

But not just garbage bags.

They top them off with fancy jewelry, sparkly belts, or colorful ribbon.

This new trash-chic look started out with one out-going kidlet...

... and has slowly spread throughout the school.

I don't know why the kidlets are wearing them.

In fact, I don't know if they know why they are wearing them, but that is all part of the junior high experience, right?

What I do know is that, in a week or two, garbage bags will be old news and they will have come up with some other way to fit in by standing out. Which is kind of what junior high is all about.

Dance, Dance Revolution

As I may have mentioned before, my cute little junior high offers a wide variety of elective classes for the kidlets to choose from. Besides the usual shop, art, band, strings, choir, home ec, and Spanish, the kidlets can take creative writing, military history, science and tech lab, juvenile justice, service learning, family history/scrap-booking, computer programming, or drum-line.

And then, of course, there is the dancing.
A lot of dancing.
Besides an after school Spanish dancing club, the school offers two during school dance classes: World Dance and Spanish Folk Dancing. And the kids LOVE them.

I think the fact that our school offers dance classes is pretty awesome.

And having so many kids who WANT to dance at school?

Even MORE AWESOME.

But the most awesome thing of all is the KIND of dancing that goes on in our school.

Where else do they teach girls to dance while balancing lit candles on their heads?

Or teach boys to dance with machetes?

No joke. 

Actual MACHETES!

Open Flame? no problem.

Huge swords? Coolieo.

These kids are fearless!

Well, almost fearless.

Fire and Machetes, are no big deal, But touching hands with someone of the opposite gender?

That still gives them nightmares.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.