No means No, except for when it doesn't

You know that song from "Oklahoma"? The one that Ado Annie sings titled, "I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Say No,"? Well I used to be that girl. But not in the fun, flirty,repentance-necessary way Annie warbles about. I was the girl who couldn't say "no" to all of the little things (and medium sized things, and extra large sized things) that people at my school (and outside of my school) kept asking me to do.

For example, when I was asked to be a leader at a multi-day cub scout and weblos camp over the summer I thought "Ummmm....no," but I said "Sure. Sounds fun." And it was fun...mostly.
Then, on the very day the scout camp ended, I was asked to be a full time team guide for a team of Siberian folk musicians. What I thought was, "Heck no," but what I said was, "Sure. Sounds like fun!" And it was fun....mostly.But after saying "Yes!" to being yearbook advisor, saying "Sure!" to helping with after school tutoring, saying "Of course!" to helping with the drama club field trip, and saying "Why not?" to being on the textbook adoption committee I realized that I am either going to have to start saying "no" every now and then if I want to stay sane or, you know, ALIVE.

So I started saying "no" to things. Things like being an extra advisor at the first school book club meeting of the year and being a permanent lunch duty on A-days.

Ok, so I didn't actually say "no" in so many words, but "no" was the understood message when I ran away from people in the hallways at school and refused to answer my phone when certain numbers showed up on my caller ID.


I did, however, say "yes" when our school counselor asked me if I wanted to help out with our 7th grade "Friendship Connection" again this year. I have helped with this fabulous two day event for the past 4 years and loved spending time with the kidlets and leading two games each day. My "yes" was based on that past experience of being a busy little Indian and not a stressed out big chief. So you can imagine my surprise when I showed up to the Friendship connection leadership meeting last week and saw this...



Goodbye "busy little Indian" status and hello "stressed out big chief" nervous breakdown. Apparently word of my new vocabulary word ("no" for those of you who haven't been paying attention) had gotten around and the solution our counselor (who I love and adore and know works very, very hard on behalf of the students and staff at our school) came up with was to just put me down as the leader and then tell, not ask, but tell me about my "promotion" at the meeting. So I spent today at the institute building with around 60 7th graders, three other teachers, and one parent volunteer.
The goal of Friendship Connection is to get the 7th graders to extend their circles of friends, develop qualities to that will help them be successful in school and in life, and to see those qualities being practiced by positive adult role models.

One of the most popular activities of the day is called "Odd Kid Out" where each of the kids gets a card with a colored dot on it. The colors represent different social statuses at the school. The kidlets can't look at their own dot. Instead, they put their card on their foreheads and then try to mingle with the other kidlets. They have to figure out their color by how the other kids react to them.

I have participated in this activity nine times in the last four years and today was the first time I didn't get a red dot.

We also did an activity called "Council of Elders" where the 8t h grade leaders and adult leaders take turns answering the question, "What do you wish you had known in 7th grade?" Then the floor is opened up to the 7th graders to ask questions. They usually use this great opportunity to ask deep questions like, "Have you ever corrected a paper wrong?" and "Have you ever farted in class and blamed it on a student?" Today one student asked, "Did you ever fall asleep in class when you were in junior high?" Teacher A answered, "No, but several of my friends did." Teacher B answered, "Yes, I used to fall asleep in 8th grade science every now and then." My answer? "Kids, do you remember last week when you all got out of school early so we could go to teacher meetings? I fell asleep in that teacher meeting."

You know I'm gonna hear about that tomorrow. And at the next faculty meeting. And at parent teacher conference.

My favorite activity is always card castles. The kids get a huge bag of index cards that they use to build a castle (at least 10 stories) and bridges to connect it to at least three other castles. And they have to do it without talking.My favorite part is walking around when they are almost done and pretending to sneeze or trip very close to their architectural masterpieces. The fear in their eyes almost makes up for the twenty thousand times I had to ask them to be quiet and listen while I was explaining the rules to them.By the time I got the kids on their way back over to the school, the institute building put back together, and arrived back at the school in time to do my 35 minute bus duty, I was wondering why I had ever started out down the "yes" path. After all, if I hadn't earned the reputation as a "yes girl" my day would have been a lot less stressful and exhausting. Come to think of it, my life would have been less stressful and exhausting. It was then and there, perched on the edge of the bus loading zone, that I decided to banish the word "yes" from my vocabulary. It just wasn't worth it.

Then my friend (and Friendship Connection substitute) reminded me of our FHE activity for tonight. Ruth was going to teach us how to speak an African language and Yamammi and Zianub were planning on cooking us some real African foods. Zealanda asked me if I was going and I said..."Yes." And I'm so glad I did. Was I amazed at Yamammi and Zianub's story of survival and conversion? YES. Did I feel the spirit as they told us about their late father's heroic choice to join the church? YES.
Did I want more of their delicious food? HECK YES.

So I guess I can't be too hard on the Y-word. It may have made for a stressful and painful day, but it sure made for a taste bud pleasing and soul lifting evening.