Playing the Name Game

Midterm report cards came out this week, and I still can’t say hi to the kids by name when I see them at Wal-Mart.

Normally by this point in the first semester, I would have most of the kidlet’s names memorized and associated with their faces and not just with the desk they have most recently occupied.

But not this year. And it’s not just because more kids have been packed into the classrooms. I think the problem with the learning of the names is stemming from the names themselves.

 

I have always been impressed with the creative names the folks in this cute little valley assign to their offspring. For example, consider the names of some of my favorite branch folk, all born and raised here: Zealanda, Timbri, Marika (Mahhh-Ric-ah), Marika (Ma-REE-Ka) , and Marika (Mare-A-ca).

I have a theory about why the names in my valley are so unique. This theory is based on all of the endemic species on the Galapagos Islands.

For those of you who don’t help 7^th grade life science students with their homework in the mornings, endemic species are creatures that can only be found in a specific location. Thanks to their remote location, there are lots of totally unique animals on the Galapagos Islands.

Now, my cute little valley might not be geographically remote, but I think a pretty good case can be made for this area being somewhat culturally remote. And that remoteness seems to have resulted in some names that are more than a bit endemic.

This year’s names have been especially tricky because they don’t follow the laws of phonics. Like, at all. So I have to fight the urge to have this conversation fifteen times a day. (***Note to Reader: The name used in the imagined conversation below is not the name of an actual student, but is like the names of about twenty actual students***)

Me: Esstearah, please come on up to the Smartboard and underline the complete predicate of this sentence.

Esstearah: Umm, it’s like, pronounced “Star”.

Me: Umm, no, sweetie, it’s not.  The English language is messed up enough to make it possible to spell “fish”as  “Ghoti”, but not nearly messed up enough to make “Esstearah” spell “Star”.

But one of my co-teachers holds the current record for most creative spelling of a name. While teaching in a district further north, she had a student named La-a. Any guesses on how that is pronounced? La-a?

Go on. Guess…

No? Ok. I’ll tell you.

According to La-a’s dear sweet mother, her name is pronounced La- DASH-ah.

Because the dash isn’t silent.