Two Conversations With Ruby

The following conversations took place over Labor Day weekend. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

Note to Readers: For a more authentic experience, read Ruby's parts in the conversations with the cutest speech impediment possible. For example, Ruby should be pronounced "Woo-Bee", the brothers should be pronounced, "da Brudders", Milo should be pronounced "Mi-Whoa" and recess should be pronounced as "Wee-cess".

Conversation #1
(in Jenny's Kitchen)

Me: Hey Rub-i-Star. What are you learning in school?

Ruby: Nothing.

Me: Nothing? Really?

Ruby: Yep. (pause) Well, I am learning recess.

Me: Coolieo.



Conversation #2
(in my car on the way to Target)

Ruby: When we get to Target, will you buy me a Barbie?

Me: Sorry, not this trip.

Ruby: Why not?

Me: Because I don’t have money for Barbies. I spent all my money on gas to come and see you.

Ruby: Gas doesn’t cost money.

Me: Ummm, yes, it does.

Ruby: Did you buy the brothers something when you took them to the store?

Me: Nope. Maxwell used his birthday money.

Ruby: What about Milo?

Me: Well, Milo is too little to have money so I bought him some juice boxes that you helped him drink, remember? And they didn’t cost very much.

Ruby: Mindy, know what? You should get married.

Me: Married, eh? I never thought of that…

Ruby: When you get married, you get a husband. Then your husband goes to work and gets money.

Me: I go to work and I get money.

Ruby: You go to work?

Me: Yep.

Ruby: Where?

Me: At school. I’m a teacher, remember?

Ruby: That’s not work.

Me: You must be a republican.

Ruby: No. I’m just Ruby.

Me: Alrighty then. Look, we’re almost to Target.

Ruby: You need a husband to go to work. Husbands get lots of money. Then your husband can give it to you. And then you can buy me a Barbie.

Me: But what if I marry a husband who has a lot of nieces and we have to spend the money on Barbies for his nieces?

Ruby: What?

Me: What if the husband I marry has lots of nieces, nieces named Sapphire and Diamond and Pearl,  and he wants to spend all of his money to buy those little girls Barbies and there isn’t any money left to buy you a Barbie?

Ruby: (Ponders this… then…) Will you buy me some Barbie clothes?

Me: Now, or when I get a husband with money?

Ruby: Now.

Me: Sure. If they are modest Barbie clothes.

Ruby: (Ponders… then…) Or nail polish?

Me: Nail polish it is!