Greg's Last Phone Call, Part II

Greg flys into SLC in two weeks! We are just a little bit excited!2:51 – Mom asks about all of the traveling that Greg has been doing lately. Greg says he has had a lot of leadership meetings in Lisbon. He adds, “We just got back from speaking with a 70 and the Church lawyer.” Homely says, “Hey, I talked to a 70 and Church lawyer last week.” Greg says, “That’s nice Dad, but I was taking to them about preparing for the two Portuguese missions to combine, not planning a defense strategy.” Homely says, “Oh.”

2:52 – Mom asks Greg how long it takes to get to Lisbon from his area. Greg says it is a 1 ½ hour bus ride into Lisbon, with no traffic. Homely asks if he ever thinks about the time at the start of his mission when he lost and the old man helped him. Mom mists-up and says, “That little old man was a guardian angel.” Mindy says, “Didn’t that little old guy charge you for the help?” Mom says, “Even angels have to made adjustments in today’s economy.”

2:53 –Homely says that Greg was lucky and blessed even if the old guy did charge him money. Greg said he was at the same station yesterday and thought about his directional-angel-for-pay. Homely says, “It’s funny how things have changed. Now you know what you are doing.” Greg says, “Yeah. I really have changed.”

2:54 – Homely, suddenly filled with hope, asks Greg, “Does that mean you have stopped washing your hands every ten minutes.” Greg says, “Um, no.” Mom makes a mental note to start stocking up on hand sanitizer.

2:55 - Homely asks about Greg’s newest companion. Greg reports that he is currently serving with Elder Smith from Utah. Homely snickers and asks if that is the kid’s real name. Mindy thinks about Elder Moreman from her mission. Mindy snickers.

2:56 - Greg says that his last companion was into some creepy things… like the Bone Chapel. Greg says it is a little church made with human bones, including over 5,000 skulls. Mindy gets a bit grossed out. Mom says, “I Googled that! It looks pretty cool.” Mindy decides against having Mom help decorate for the next big Stake Relief Society Meeting. 2:57 – Homely says, “Speaking of creepy things, what was up with that guy you e-mailed about who brought a knife to Church?” Greg says there is a crazy guy in the branch who freaks out the other members . He recently brought a knife to Church and threatened to kill all of the other Church-folk. Greg said they “handled things” and that mission president is going to get involved to help out.

2:58 – Mom excuses herself to grab her passport and her prepacked “Rescue Greggie” bag.

2:59 - Mindy says, “President Obama came up with a great new plan for dealing with crazy people who threaten to kill other people…send Seal Team Six to shoot them in the head.” Greg says he doesn’t think his Church distribution request form has a “Seal Team” section. Homely says that, with Greg’s mission president’s gangster-busting, law enforcement background, President Torgan could be a Seal Team unto himself.

3:00 – Mom returns from checking plane tickets to Portugal on Expedia and asks if the missionaries there get many dinner appointments. Greg says the branch Relief Society President feeds them every week and calls the missionaries her grandsons. Mom decides that she really likes the branch Relief Society President. She makes a mental note to stop by and thank that sweet sister in person … after she get’s all Seal-Team-Six on the knife-wielding psycho who threatened her baby.

3:01 - Mom asks if that sister is the only one who feeds them. Greg says they eat with the branch President on Sundays. He cooks rice and pasta. Mom makes a note to make steak and potatoes for the missionaries when she feeds them next week.

3:02 - Homely says, “Well, I guess we should start saying our goodbyes.” Mom ignores him and asks how far the Church building is from Greg’s apartment. Greg says it is only a two minute walk. Mom goes back to looking at the map. “So, it’s by the castle?” she asks. “You mean the cathedral?” Greg counters. “No. The Castle,” Mom says. “You mean the university?” Greg asks?

3:03 – Mindy tells them to knock it off because she already put that exchange in the first blog post and she needs new material.

3:04 – Greg says that they spend most of their time outside of the city. He explains, “It’s mostly old people who live in the city and don’t want to talk to us.” Mindy thinks he should consider calling the old Portuguese people on the phone because the Elderly Americans he has been talking to for the last hour seem to enjoy it.

3:05 – Once again, Homely tries to end the phone call. Greg says he is helping to plan a pioneer themed activity for the branch and asks about pioneer games, songs, and dances. Mom tries to explain the Virgina Reel to Greg. She mentions a lot of swinging to the right and to the left. All of the talk about swinigng makes Mindy a bit motion sick.

3:06 - Mom asks if there will be other Elders traveling with Greg. Greg says six other Elders will fly into SLC with him. “We are already planning to do something goofy as we get off the plane.” Homely counsel’s Greg, “Whatever you do, do it with clothes on. Don’t come off the plane in nothing but a name tag.”

3:07 – “Um, you do know which son you are talking to, right? I wasn’t the one who was arrested for indecent exposure after mooning a cop,” Greg reminds Homely, then adds, “By the way, how is Spencer?” Mom says the NFL players are still locked out, but Spencer is still working and he is hoping to come over to see Greg and Bubba on the 4th of July.

3:08 – Homely says that Spencer was going to call Greg, but his laptop died this morning and he has a huge test in his MBA program tomorrow. Greg makes a sad noise and says, “That’s rough. Spencer gets really obsessive about his grades." Mindy almost swallows her tongue trying not to laugh at the OCD pot calling the stress-case kettle black.

3:09 – Homely says, “This phone call is going to last longer than Greg’s trans-Atlantic flight.” Mom asks if the phone call has made him trunky. Greg says no. Homely says, “Your mom was grading papers when the Church travel office called about your flight plans, and now she hasn’t graded a single paper in six weeks. She is the trunky one.”

3:10 - Dad tells Greg that he will be reporting to the High Council and then speaking in Sacrament meeting the Sunday after he gets home. Greg says, “Oh great. Is it too late to extend?” Mindy offers to write Greg’s talk.

3:11 – Homely tells Greg not to worry because they have his whole life is planned out for him. “Even got a girl picked out…” Homely adds. “Yep. Definitely gonna stay here a few more months,” Greg says.

3:12 – Mom says, “We had better let him go.” Greg wishes Homely good luck on his school board campaign. “Homely says, “ I’ll send you an absentee ballot, just be sure to send it back real quick. The election is coming up soon.” Mom says, “It had better be soon. There are so many orange and black signs all over the stake, it looks like Halloween.”

3:13 - Homely says, “Four weeks and two days. Wow. I don’t know if I’m more excited about you coming home or eating at In-N-Out.” Greg asks about eating at Taco Bandito. Mindy promises to buy him plenty of Taco Bandito food when he comes to visit her.

3:14 - Homely says, “Be safe, be happy, and enjoy it.” Mom tells Greg to get some rest. Homely says, “Try not to be homesick.” Greg says, “I just feel bad about not seeing a lot of results lately.” Mindy says, “At least you are seeing more results than Abinadi… and your mission release isn’t going to involve being burned at the stake.”

3:15 - Greg says, “Oh yeah. I didn’t think about that.” Greg says goodbye, possibly tearing up a bit before he hangs up the phone, ending the last in a long, long line of missionary phone calls.