Thoroughly Modern Mindy

So a long, long while back, I was helping with an institute service project at our local museum. Between sorting boxes, packing boxes, moving boxes, and noticing how nice the guys from the Rupert Stakes looked while they were moving boxes, I was able to peruse some of the displays. In the midst of my perusing, I came across a list of Rules for Teachers from 1872. (In case any of the math-challenged kidlets out there are wondering: No! I was not alive back then!) And after spending some time comparing the life of historical rural school marms with the my own life as a modern rural school marm, I have to say that I am very, very, very thankful that I am teaching in this century. Here's why...Rules for Teachers
1872
1. Teachers each day fill lamps, clean chimneys.

Fill lamps? Yeah right. I have to send out an S.O.S. to our amazing janitorial staff for help changing the light bulb in The Coolest Lamp Ever. And cleaning chimneys? I start showing symptons of the black lung after ten minutes of watching Mary Poppins.

Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cha-WRONG! 2. Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day's session.

3. Make your pens Carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual taste of the pupils.

OK, so I could probably manage the water and coal thing... unless I had to bring the water and coal in separate buckets. I don't think I could manage two buckets and my backpack, especially considering how recent events have shown my balance and walking skills to be sub-par. But whittling pens? Do you really think the kidlet's parents want someone who can't successfully navigate a simple staircase coming anywhere near their children with a whittling knife and/or sharpened writing utensils? If I followed that rule I would have to add another, like "Klutzy teachers must spend two evenings a week fashioning eye-patches for the students they have maimed."

4. Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go to church regularly.

Dude. Most of the single guy teacher's I know would love this rule. If skipping church meant less pressure to date, many a singles-ward-Elders-Quorum would have empty seats.

5. After ten hours in school, the teacher may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or other good books.

OK, so between my own ten-hour-school-days and my evenings filled with Sunday school and institute lesson preparations, I am kind of already living this one.

6. Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly conduct will be dismissed.

Ummm...Let's just say that my job would be pretty darn secure if this rule was still in force today and leave it at that.

7. Every teacher should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society.

If think that if you were to ask some of my kidlets, especially those I am forcing spend Saturday working on yearbook pages in the computer lab at school, I am already a burden on society. Maybe I'm not quite as "modern" as I thought...

8. Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor in any form, frequents pool or public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity and honesty.

Since they didn't mention anything about wearing wicked witch socks to class...

... or frequenting Guitar Hero end-of-the-semester-parties, I think I may be OK on this one. Especially since I rarely get shaved in a barber shop these days. I mean, who has the time?

9. The teacher who performs his labor faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves.

This sounds kind of familiar too. Maybe things haven't changed so much for teachers in the last 137 years. If the science teachers at our school ever invented a time machine, I think I really could survive as a nineteenth century school marm, and not just because of the rules...

As you can see, I can totally pull off the whole "bonnet look". And the black and white photos really bring out the, uh, ... white.... in my eyes, don't you think?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sudden desire to try my hand at pen whittling.