The Night Before the Parke Avenue Branch's Christmas

(Note to non-Young-Single-Adult-Readers: To fully appreciate this post, you need to know that in 2005, Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a CES fireside talk titled "The Dedication of a Lifetime". Although that fireside talk contained many gospel principles, the section that the vast majority of YSA listeners focused on was "Dating Vs. Hanging Out." The stop hanging out and start dating theme became so popular and so talked about, that Elder Oaks did a follow-up fireside a year later, officially cementing his place in the hearts of all YSAs as the dating-general-authority. You can read the wonderful talk HEREif you have a minute or two. I highly recommend it.)

T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the stake
All the singles were home, not one had a date.

Their cell phones were set close by with great care,
In hopes that some text messages might appear there.

But the Barkers and Hobsons and Joneses, you see
Were not yet at home with their own families.

Instead at the seminary building they sat,
All gathered around discussing this, planning that.

When out in the lot there arose such a clatter
They sprang from the desks to see what was the matter.

And what with their wandering eyes did they see?
But two Utah plates on a white SUV.
Down rolled the window, the driver then spoke –
And they knew in an instant it was Elder Oaks.

“I’ve come to commend you and thank you a ton,
For the time you have spent and the things you have done.

You’ve taken a branch so little and new
And helped it to grow, and got Lance married too!

You’ve taught them and loved them and used $4 gas from your tanks,
For all this and more I have come to say ‘Thanks’.”

“But your thanks come to soon!” the branch presidency cried,
“there are doors left to knock and activities untried.
Some need jobs, some need schooling, and some need a life…”
Then added sweet Bonnie, “And each boy needs a wife!”

Elder Oaks said, “All these things are true, but my dear friends
you’re not getting released, so endure to the end.
You’re on the right track,” he said with a grin,
Just keep them so busy they have no time to sin.”

Sister Hobson called out, “You have lightened our moods”
Sister Barker then added, “Come in for some food!
We’ve got plenty of left-overs from the last feed the flock,”
But Elder Oaks answered, “Sorry, I just came to talk.
And let you know that you’ve all earned your halos,
And will live on in fame for that hot dog filled jello.”

So they bid him farewell as he drove out of sight,
Said a quick closing prayer and headed home for the night.
But as he drove out of town, the whole branch heard him shout:
“Merry Christmas to all, and stop hanging out!”

Thanks to all those who helped with our branch Christmas party tonight...It was a blast!

And don't forget the branch Christmas Road Trip next weekend!