They, the Builders of Our Fair Booth: Another Chapter from the Book of Mindy

This year's fair theme is "Country Pride County Wide," and unless the judges' integrity has been compromised, I think there is a blue ribbon in our future. Thanks Heidi and Tim!

1. And now behold, when the spring had sprung in Cowtown, yeah, even when its rural scent had reached its bovine pinnacle, even then did the stake Relief Society presidency begin to discuss the fair booth.

2. And they did say one to another, “Let us go out into the wards and the branches of the stake where we might seek amongst the sisters, even amongst the most crafty and creative of sisters, one who could design for us a winning fair booth.”

1   3.  And so the sisters of the stake Relief Society did go out into the wards and branches of the stake, where they did seek a creatively crafty genius sister who might design a fair booth that could deliver unto them a blue ribbon.

2   4. For behold, they hath sought after blue ribbons all the days of their presidency.

1   5. But after days of searching, the stake sisters had still not found a sister to design the fair booth.

2   6. For all of the creatively crafty genius sisters had also seen and smelled the signs of spring in Cowtown. And they did take these signs and smells into their hearts and did realize that the time of the assigning of the designing of the fair booth was at hand.

3   7. And knowing these things, the creatively crafty genius sisters of the stake did hide themselves from the stake Relief Society presidency.

4   8. Yeah, when the crafty sisters did see the stake sisters approach, some did suddenly remember important dentist appointments and did flee with great haste.

5   9. And other sisters did find places within the ward and branch buildings to hide themselves; some diving behind couches while others sought refuge in the sticky and smelly domain of the nursery classes. 

1  10. But despite the great amounts of running and hiding their presence did inspire, the stake leaders did continue to search and to ponder and to pray to find a sister who might be persuaded or bribed or compelled to design a fair booth.

1  11.  In that same stake, in the ward named Eleven, there dwelt a sister called Heidi who was known throughout the land as one of the most creatively crafty genius sisters in the stake, yeah, even in the whole valley.

2  12. And Sister Heidi, having been recently released as a ward Relief Society president, was weary, yeah, even so weary that when the stake sisters did appear unto her, she was unable to outrun them.

3  13. And when Heidi, in her post-president weariness, had been thusly cornered, did the stake sisters invite her to design a fair booth, even a fair booth of such awesomeness that it would kick the trash of the fair booths of the other stakes, albeit in a charitable way.

1  14. And upon receiving this invitation did Heidi exclaim, “Behold! Rememberst thou not that thou hast sought my help with the fair booth previously? Yeah, even in the first year of thy service in the stake didst thou seek me out and invite me to design thy first booth. But I could not, for in that same summer did I have surgery.”

2  15. And the sisters of the stake did remember that they had forgotten this thing.

  16. And Heidi continued, “Yeah, when thou didst ask me and I could not, I did know then that my escape would be but temporary. And for these many years I did know deep in my heart that someday thou wouldst return and the fair booth would be thrust upon me.”

  17. “And having carried this truth with me these many years, and not having the foresight to schedule another surgery for this summer,  I will design the fair booth of the stake.”

18.  And from that day did Heidi go forth and, with her construction-oriented husband Tim the Tool Man, did design a fair booth for the stake.

    19. And for weeks did Heidi and Tim cut and glue and paint, yeah so many cans of spray paint did Heidi wield that her hand did cramp and her fingers did freeze, and her brain grew fuzzy with fumes. 

    20.  And when the day appointed unto the setting up of the booth did arrive, the sisters of the stake Relief Society did meet Heidi and Tim at the fairgrounds. And at the fairgrounds did Heidi and Tim unveil the fruits of their great labors. 

    21. And as the sisters of the stake did gaze upon those great labors, they were struck speechless.

    22.  For behold, Heidi had built a railroad bridge, and a mountain, and a turn of the century Relief Society building.

    23. But this is not all.

    24. For Heidi and Tim had also build an airplane, AN AIRPLANE, that they did hang from the ceiling above the booth. AN AIRPLANE!

   25. And when the stake sisters did regain their powers of speech, they did prostrate themselves at the feet of Heidi, and also of her husband Tim, and they did thank them for their sharing of their time and their talents, and for the huge amounts of work they did do, and of fumes they did inhale.

   26. And the designers of the booths for the other stakes did look upon Heidi’s booth and despair. For they beheld the blinding awesomeness of Heidi’s booth and did know that their they had been beaten, albeit in a very charitable way. And they did marvel at the way that had been so thoroughly yet charitably defeated.  

   27. And when the construction of the booth was complete, when the mountain had been moved and the airplane had taken flight, then Heidi, a truly creative crafty genius, and her husband Tim the Tool Man, did leave the fair grounds.

   28.  And they did take their journey back to their home, were they did attempt to rest.

   29. For behold, they knew that they must get much rest if they were to have any hope of out running the stake leaders in the coming year.

30.  And just to be safe, both Heidi and Tim did decide to schedule surgeries for next summer.

Happy (Early) Birthday, Kristie!

Kristie The Movie from Mindy Haws on Vimeo.

Alton Loves Waffle Love

 This is my nephew Alton.

 Alton loves his family.

A whole lot. 

Especially his siblings.

Can you feel the love tonight?

 Alton also loves sitting in his pan... preferably sans pants, 

...and reading with his brothers.

 "Hey Joe-Bro! What are YOU reading? Wanna trade?"

Alton also loves waffles from Waffle Love.

Alton has good taste, 

 "Hi mom! Hmmmm...What'cha got there?"

"Waffles, eh? I should probably do a little quality control testing..."

"This piece right here looks a little suspicious." 

"I'm so glad Mommy trusts me with  forks and knives.

Nothing bad could possibly happen."

"Hmmmmm...."

"I appears these waffles are up to code, but I had better try another piece just to be sure.

Better safe than sorry."

"I should also probably check Grandma's water for her, seeing as how she is all elderly n'stuff."

"All clear Grams. You're good to go."

"Wow. Taking care of the old and infirm is hard work. 

I'd better have a little more waffle so as to keep up my strength,"

"That waffle was so good, I might wait two or three blocks before I start screaming about being strapped into the Torturous-Car-Seat-of-Monumental-Pain-and-Suffering." 

"Yep. My life is awesome."

Yes Alton, it is. 

It really is.

A Ghost in the Machine?

A few weeks ago, my dvd player stopped working. It's demise wasn't really a shock; I have had it for over ten years and the vhs side of the machine had quit vhs-ing a few years back. The problem was that there was still a dvd IN the machine when it gave up the ghost, and it was a dvd that I really like.

So, since the whole thing was headed for the trash heap anyway, I decided to grab my screwdriver and rescue my dvd from the wreckage.

(You just can't type "trash heap" without including a shout-out to Fraggel Rock!)

Taking the player apart was actually pretty darn fun. I felt like quite the handy (wo)Manny, until I popped the front cover piece off and found...

... a dead spider.

After taking a few moments to react appropriately to this discovery (shrieking, throwing the cover/spider tomb across the room, more shrieking, spraying the all ready dead spider with half a can of bug spray), I collected myself, continued the operation, and rescued the dvd. Mission Accomplished.

I know that the spider's corpse wasn't the cause of the dvd players malfunction, but the gruesome discovery has made me a little jumpy.

 I already know that there are spider carcasses inside my hallway light fixture, (which means I will have to move when those light bulbs burn out) so where else might there be spiders lurking?

Has my Wii, which has similar elements to a dvd player, become an arachnid apartment? Is it safe to reach into my printer to change ink cartridges, or are there creepy crawlies hiding in its mechanical bowels?  My kitchen clock stopped this morning and, before grabbing a new battery, I reached for my best spider squishing shoe. And I am not even going to start on the nightmares I have had about my toaster.

Only time will tell if rescuing the series pilot of Inspector Lewis will be worth the arachnid anxiety it has caused. I am pretty sure that a new dvd would be a lot cheaper than therapy.

Old School Interactive Entertainment

Each semester, I try to explain Choose Your Own Adventure books to the creative writing kidlets. And it makes me feel old.

Trying to explain Choose Your Own Adventure books to the creative writing kidlets makes me feel old because 1)about half of the kidlets have never heard of them before 2) the kidlets who have heard about them always say something along the lines of "Oh yeah! I think my mom read those way back when she was in school!" and 3) I am actually pretty old.

Since this generation has grown up with interactive EVERYTHING, the kidlets aren't initially impressed with the idea of a story that changes depending on a reader's choices. Then they start reading the different endings... the different super tragic endings full of random plot twists and cheesy dialogue that could put a Sharknado sequel to shame. Once those kidlets have been eaten by a shark, or buried alive in an Egyptian tomb, or suffered amnesia after finding a treasure and rescuing their one true love, they are hooked. Nobody loves depressing ending and cheesy dialogue like junior high students (and junior high teachers).

But because the Choose Your Own Adventure format is unfamiliar to the little people (2nd person point of view and present tense verbs make their cute little brains itch), many need to read a bunch of examples before they feel ready to tackle stories of their own. And since reading real Choose Your Own Adventure books takes more time than we have, I wrote a couple of shorter examples for the kidlets to peruse before starting their own books.

The kidlets liked reading through my little example books, but growing class sizes and diminishing copy counts made it difficult to have enough booklets on hand for everyone to read through them at the same time. So, since we live in the computer lab for most of the adventure writing unit, I thought it would be nice if I could put the books online. And last week, I did it!

So if any of you end up with some time to kill (or have kildlet-sized offspring who might be interested) I have linked the sites for the first two stories below.

But if you are going to embark on a Choose Your Own Adventure, remember:

The Strange Case of the Kidnapped Kidlets

On the Run

A Fashion Tip and a New Song

What NOT to wear on the 4th of July...

... because, well, you know. 

In other news, all of my niblets who are participating in the summer challenge memorized half (or more) of their hymns/primary songs by the July 5th deadline, thereby earning a few rounds of laser tag at Blast Off. 

If you recall, the purpose of this summer's challenge is to get some important gospel principles ingrained in their cute little brains so that their cute little brains can recall those principles when needed. 

For example, imagine that a young person was engaged in some sort of competitive activity... playing laser tag, perhaps. If that young person had memorized some hymns or primary songs that taught the principles of kindness and Christ-like love, then he or she would be less likely to, I don't know, repeatedly shoot their aunt, even when she was on that young person's team?

Or not.

So in honor of the half-way prize to our summer hymn challenge, I have rewritten a hymn to teach a few other important principles.

The Laser Tag Song

(To be sung to the tune of "Behold! A Royal Army")

Behold a niblet army in laser tagging gear.

Don’t let their cuteness fool you, there’s plenty there to fear.

They earned this little outing by learning some Church songs,

But if you think that mellowed them, oh baby, you’d be wrong

Laser tag, laser tag! With tiny, spazzy niblets!

Laser tag, laser tag! There’s not one I can trust.

Who’d have thought laser tag could bring out,

Little people’s blood lust (blood lust)

They memorized some lyrics about service and love,

But put some weapons in their hands, they’ll push and yell and shove.

They can be sweet and caring. They like me, that’s a fact!

But when it comes down to it, they’d shoot me in the back.

Laser tag, laser tag! With tiny, spazzy niblets!

Laser tag, laser tag! There’s not one I can trust.

Who’d have thought laser tag could bring out,

Little people’s blood lust (blood lust)

I’d hoped that they’d learn doctrine, while doing something fun,

But all that doctrine vanished when they picked up those guns.

Oh sure, they claim to love me, but on the battlefield

Each one would gladly use me as their human shield.

Laser tag, laser tag! With tiny, spazzy niblets!

Laser tag, laser tag! There’s not one I can trust.

Who’d have thought laser tag could bring out,

Little people’s blood lust (blood lust)

(If you don't know/remember the tune, check out this handy-dandy sing-along video!)

Laser Tag Song from Mindy Haws on Vimeo.

The Book of Mindy: And My Kidlets Dwelt in Tents (or The Time I Ate an Ant at Girls' Camp)

The theme for The Other Stake's 2014 Girls Camp.

1. And it came to pass, at the closing of the school year, the Principal, even The Best Principal Ever, did make a proclamation throughout all the school that an awards assembly would be held.

2. And on the evening appointed for the honoring of the kidlets , all of the teachers, kidlets, and parents, did attend. Yea, even some siblings and grandparents did attend, even what appeared to Miss H as all the people in the land did gather themselves together in the Junior High Cafetorium.

Sister G and the Jr. Leaders sing a bee-related song with the girls.

3. And Miss H, notwithstanding her great fear of speaking in front of big people, did attend. And when Miss H did see that there was a great number of big people present, even so many that they could not be numbered except by the math teachers, Miss H was sore afraid.

Campers play a game using giant fly swatters.

4. But when the time of Miss H’s award presentation had passed, yea, when the rocks had been given to the chosen kidlets and she could once again retake her seat, then did Miss H’s fear abate, and her shaking did cease. And Miss H was joyful, for she knew that she would not have to speak at another awards ceremony for no less than twelve months.

A cute camper models a not-quite-thawed T-shirt her team successfully pulled apart during the frozen t-shirt game.

5. And she did take courage in that thought, and also in the prospect that she might be injured by a bus just before the next awards ceremony and by so doing she might escape having to speak in front of big people for yet another year. 

Valerie and Mindy lurk in the trees, startling unsuspecting kidlets.

6. And after the awards ceremony did end and all of the kidlets had received their awards, as Miss H was pondering ways to incur non-fatal bus-related injuries,  Sister G, even the president of the Young Women from THE OTHER STAKE, did appear unto Miss H. And the words that she spake unto Miss H were these:

7. “Behold, our stake girls camp doth quickly approach, and notwithstanding our great preparations, we are still without a speaker for the last night, yea, even a keynote speaker who can speak upon our theme. And this lack of a speaker hath greatly weighed upon our minds, therefore we have prayed many days that a speaker might be shown unto us. And behold, while driving home from Twin Falls today, it was made known unto me that thou might give a decent talk. Might thou be free on June 19^th?”

8. And it was in this manner that Sister G did invite Miss H to speak at girls camp. 

The cute themed bag and journal presented to me by the youth leaders. 

9. But Miss H, while being greatly flattered by the invitation (for behold, Miss H is easily flattered), did exclaim unto Sister G, “But behold, I am not a member of thy stake! For I live across Overland Avenue and therefore have been adopted into the Best, I mean WEST stake. How then mayest I speak at your girls camp?”

10. And Sister G did reply, “Worriest thou not for this thing. For behold, my Stake President will call thine Stake President and they shall work these things out amongst themselves and all shall be well. So now, cometh thou to our girls camp to speak?”

11. And Miss Haws, being greatly flattered by the invitation and having a deep and abiding love of girls camp, yea, and even because she was still on an adrenaline high from surviving the awards ceremony, she did accept the invitation.

The lanyard, complete with all of the week's recognition pins and clips, presented to me by the youth leaders.

12. And it came to pass that, later that night while talking to Valerie who is also of The Other Stake, even as the adrenaline high did abate, did Miss Haws realize what she had done.

13. And behold, she began to freak out.

The still-squirming, giant, disgusting, camp ant the girls caught for me to eat.

14. And she did exclaim unto Valerie, “Why did I say I would go up unto the girls camp to speak? For behold, the camp is in the woods far from Cowtown, and if I should try to find it I will get lost in the desert and surly die! For I know that I will get lost, and when I pull over to the side of the road to cry bitter tears over my lostness, then shall a bear attack my car and eat me. For behold, I am delicious unto bears.”

15. And Valerie, her friend and fellow teacher, did speak unto her words of comfort, saying, “Fear not, for behold I know the way to camp, and I will driveth thou and go with thee unto the camp, and I will also surely bring thee up again, that thou will not be eaten by a bear, even no creature larger than a mosquito shall taste thee.”

Me eating the ant.

16. And Miss H did thank Valerie, but even in the moment of giving the thanks, she did realize that, in speaking to the girls, she would also have to speak unto their leaders and their Bishops and their Bishop’s wives, yea she would have to speak to all manner of big people.

17. And suddenly the thought of being eaten by a bear did become less objectionable, yea, when compared to speaking to such a group, being eaten by a bear did become by far the better option.

18. And it came to pass that, after much preparation and much stressing and many calls to her parents who were likewise known for their speaking abilities, the talk was written and the day wherein Valerie and Miss H would depart unto the girls camp did arrive.

Me, almost throwing up, while eating the ant.

19. And they took their journey from Cowtown and came into the wilderness of Pinedale, on the nineteenth day after the departing of the Kidlets from the school.

20. And when Miss H and Valerie did arrive at the place of the camp, they did watch the girls as they engaged in camp related activities. And when the campers saw that their teachers had thus come up, they were startled.  And they did say unto each other:

21. “Behold, whyfore have our teachers  appeared thusly in the woods? Behold, the randomness of their presence doth confuse and confound us.” And after this manner did the camping kidlets speak amongst themselves. 

Me, trying to make sure no pieces of the ant lingered in my mouth.

22. And in the course of time, did the junior leaders, even the Youth Stake Leaders, bear gifts to Miss Haws to thank her for traveling unto the wilderness to speak unto them. And with the gifts, they did present a lanyard which was heavy laden with pins and clips of recognition for deeds that the campers had been accomplishing during the week.

Me and some sweet(?) kidlets showing off our officially earned ant-eating awards.

23. And Miss H did admire the lanyard and was grateful for it, until she did notice one such clip that was given in recognition for eating an ant, even a large, live, crunchy ant of the forest variety. And Miss H did ask the kidlets the meaning of these things.

24. And the kidlets did say unto Miss H, “Behold, the eating of a large, live, crunch ant of the forest variety is a tradition among our people. And although we can tell thee not WHY this has become a tradition in our stake, we can tell thee that the eating of a large, live, crunch ant of the forest variety earns the eater there of great respect and recognition, which is symbolized by the clip.”

The youth leaders sing a song on stage to kick off stake/bishop's night.

25. And although Miss H did not understand this tradition, she did see that it was of great worth unto the girls of this stake. And Miss H did seek to remove the clip from her lanyard, and did tell the kidlets that, having not partaken of a large, live, crunchy an , did not feel worthy to wear the clip.

26. But the kidlets, possibly seeking revenge for the great number of essays they had been forced to write during the year, did say unto Miss H, “Why should thou remove the clip, when it would be just as easy for you to retain the clip and wear it with pride, after having eating a large, live, crunchy ant of the forest variety?”

27. And Miss H, not wanting to lose the respect of the kidlets, did give into peer pressure and did lift up her eyes and exclaim, “Behold, I am a stranger in a strange stake wherein ants are eaten. Therefore, bring unto me an ant, even a large, live, crunchy ant of the forest variety and I shall eat it.”

The stake leaders keep with the "be" theme sporting beehives for a musical presentation during stake/bishop's night.

28. And there went forth a beehive of the 8^th ward, and she did bring forth an ant. And the kidlets did look upon the ant and they did see that it was large, and alive, and appeared quite crunchy. And they did present the ant to Miss H, and they did invite her to eat of the ant.

29. And Miss H did look upon the ant and she did regret her words, yea, she regretted her words that she would eat the ant and also the words that she should come to the camp at all. And she did cast her eyes around her in hopes of seeing a hungry bear, that she might be consumed by the bear instead of thusly consuming the ant.

30. But alas, no bears were in sight. So the kidelts did place the ant, while it was still alive into a bite-sized Snickers bar. And they did give the Snickers to Miss H. And as the ant did try to escape the Snickers bar, Miss H did eat it.

31. And behold, it was gross. And Miss H did struggle mightily not to vomit. But Miss H did not vomit, but did earn the respect of the campers to whom she was to speak that night. 

Bishops (or their counselors) are honored before competing in the Bishops' Challenge events.

32. And when she did speak that night, all was well. For behold, after eating a large, living, crunchy ant of the forest variety, speaking to big people did become less terrifying unto her.

33. For behold, after eating an ant, how can thou have any fear of something so simple as speaking? Unless thou hast the large black leg of an ant stuck between thy teeth as thou speaketh. For that would indeed be upsetting. 

The campers watch the Bishops' Challenge, unaware that their speaker is in the biffy trying to floss ant legs out of her teeth before taking the stand.