You may recall that, when my former branch president was called as our new stake president, I was pretty darn pleased with the situation. It took a few days for me to work through my poetic euphoria, but when I did, I realized that this new calling would mean that he and his wonderful family would have plenty of new responsibilities, and less time for the likes of me and my fellow singletons. 
Lucky for us, keeping up with the Joneses hasn't been as difficult as anticipated. At the beginning of the summer, we had plenty of occasions to see President and Sister Jones at the temple. Always the teacher, President took those temple trip opportunities to teach us important eternal truths... like "not voting for president's choice for the post-session restaurant means you are volunteering to speak in stake conference."
Lucky for us, keeping up with the Joneses hasn't been as difficult as anticipated. At the beginning of the summer, we had plenty of occasions to see President and Sister Jones at the temple. Always the teacher, President took those temple trip opportunities to teach us important eternal truths... like "not voting for president's choice for the post-session restaurant means you are volunteering to speak in stake conference."
As leaders of the stake, President Jones and his family have done their best to lead us adorable singletons into some serious summertime adventures. Remember Moochie and his missing swim trunks?
But boat-driving-skills that literally knock the pants off riders isn't really what President Jones is known for. No, the signature move of President, or in this case, "Captain Jones", is the "water-weenie-wreck," something he perfected during a branch boating activity last month.
Never heard of the "water-weenie-wreck"? Well, it's a pretty simple concept...
After the water-weenie-wreck carnage was skimmed off the water, Krystal was inspired to try out one of the Joneses wake boards for the very first time.
Krystal had some trouble at first, but with Captain Jones at the wheel, amazing feats of jump-i-ness quickly ensued (I would like everyone who was present in that boat at that time to note the literal truthfullness of that sentence and then admitt that I have the skills to run for public office some day).
Never heard of the "water-weenie-wreck"? Well, it's a pretty simple concept...
After the water-weenie-wreck carnage was skimmed off the water, Krystal was inspired to try out one of the Joneses wake boards for the very first time.
Krystal had some trouble at first, but with Captain Jones at the wheel, amazing feats of jump-i-ness quickly ensued (I would like everyone who was present in that boat at that time to note the literal truthfullness of that sentence and then admitt that I have the skills to run for public office some day).
And one week later at the branch Relief Society River Retreat, where the Joneses were present in spirit, their influence (and Brother Hobson's celestially charitable boat-driving skills) inspired even the likes of Timbri, Lacie, and I to take to the tubes.
And then there was our traditional 4-wheeling adventure to Melcher Mines.
For example, here he is leading us on a hike up to the den of the mountain lion who has been trained by the three Nephites to eat anyone who turns down an invitation to speak in stake conference.
And here he is explaining to Nurse Lacie why it is that, even without taking the mountain lion causalities into account, people who speak in stake conference tend to live longer than people who don't.
And this is a shot of President explaining how this deep, dark, dank, pit of stagnant and disease riddled water is symbolic of the post-judgment-fate of those people who fail to sustain their stake presidencies by doing horrible things like buying dinner from the other stake's food booth at the fair... or turning down the opportunity to speak in stake conference.
It is a long, long way down... It sure makes those of us who have already spoken in stake conference feel good about our decision to have done that. People like me and Krystal. Yep. We've been there and done that. Check that off the celestial kingdom to-do list for us. Yes-sir-ee. Old news. That's what the two of us are. Nothing interesting or uplifting left to say. Ever.
And so I think it is safe to assume that we will follow the Joneses where every they want to lead us, whether it be to the brink of water-weenie-wrecks, the domain of swim-trunk-less Elders Quorum Presidents, or the lair of an apostate-eating wild cat.
We would even follow them right up the steps to the stage of the King Fine Arts Center when stake conference rolls around again. Yep, right up those stairs to the stand and the row where the speakers sit... and we will wave and smile at those poor souls and walk right past them to the row to the row where people giving the opening prayer sit, and then right past them and up to the choir risers where we will join in singing the closing musical number. Cause we're supportive like that.
Oh, and by the way ladies, that self defense class on mountain lion wrestling starts on Saturday.
And then there was our traditional 4-wheeling adventure to Melcher Mines.
Kristi taught us all about the beautiful Melcher Mansion House and supervised the dinner preparations. Sister Jones took every opportunity to point out the beautiful wild creatures that roamed the hills...
And President pointed out some other points of interest during our rides.
For example, here he is leading us on a hike up to the den of the mountain lion who has been trained by the three Nephites to eat anyone who turns down an invitation to speak in stake conference.
And here he is explaining to Nurse Lacie why it is that, even without taking the mountain lion causalities into account, people who speak in stake conference tend to live longer than people who don't.
And this is a shot of President explaining how this deep, dark, dank, pit of stagnant and disease riddled water is symbolic of the post-judgment-fate of those people who fail to sustain their stake presidencies by doing horrible things like buying dinner from the other stake's food booth at the fair... or turning down the opportunity to speak in stake conference.
It is a long, long way down... It sure makes those of us who have already spoken in stake conference feel good about our decision to have done that. People like me and Krystal. Yep. We've been there and done that. Check that off the celestial kingdom to-do list for us. Yes-sir-ee. Old news. That's what the two of us are. Nothing interesting or uplifting left to say. Ever.
And so I think it is safe to assume that we will follow the Joneses where every they want to lead us, whether it be to the brink of water-weenie-wrecks, the domain of swim-trunk-less Elders Quorum Presidents, or the lair of an apostate-eating wild cat.
We would even follow them right up the steps to the stage of the King Fine Arts Center when stake conference rolls around again. Yep, right up those stairs to the stand and the row where the speakers sit... and we will wave and smile at those poor souls and walk right past them to the row to the row where people giving the opening prayer sit, and then right past them and up to the choir risers where we will join in singing the closing musical number. Cause we're supportive like that.
Oh, and by the way ladies, that self defense class on mountain lion wrestling starts on Saturday.
3 comments:
I'm glad that you survived your tubing with all of your clothing intact. Also glad that my kids don't read your blog. They believe almost everything you say, and the mountain lion threat would be pretty scary for them.
Sounds like you are following the RIGHT Joneses.
I, too, am always grateful for celestially charitable boat-drivers. Wait. I've never met one of those. All boat drivers I have met are crazies who do the Circle of Death and dump us in the water every time!
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