The Winterization Epistle

This is my brother Mikey. He is the latest in my long line of brothers to wear the title, "Elder H" (he's the one in the suit, in case you weren't sure). He is serving in Brazil, a nation very, very different from the country I served in. Case in point, this was how my little brother spent his p-day a few weeks ago. . .

On a beach.

Now, let's ignore the fact that he appears to be breaking at least one general mission rule by being on a flippin' beach , and focus instead on the fact that his "gentile" wardrobe for P-days includes shorts and flip flops. My non-proselyting clothes were...well....they weren't shorts and flip flops. But in honor of the vast differences between my mission and Mikey's (and Moose's in Southern Italy, and Warren's in Mexico, and Homely's in Florida) I now proudly recycle, I mean, proudly present...

The Epistle of Sister Haws Concerning the Days of Her Winterization in Canada

(as written in my letter to the Mission President for the week of Nov. 13th to Nov. 20)

CHAPTER 1
1. Now behold, this is an account of Sister Haws in the days of her winterization.

2. For on the third week of the eleventh month, which is called "Cold", Sister Haws did look out her window and did behold much snow.

3. And she did call to her companion, Sister Osborn, and did say, "Behold snow." And Sister Osborn did behold the snow. And low, there was much sorrow in the apartment.

(Sister Osborn, with whom I opened the Stratford area for sisters, in our groovy orange apartment)

4. And Sister Osborn, who was the more wise and learned of the two, having survived a Canadian winter, did say unto Sister Haws, "Let us go out and preach the Gospel."
5. And Sister Haws did look upon Sister Osborn with much surprise and did exclaim unto her, "See-est thou not the snow? Knowest thou not that should we leave the orange glow of our apartment we must surely die?"

6. And Sister Osborn did reply unto her, "O ye of little faith. Art thou yet still so green as to have forgotten the law of the layers? Knowest thou not that we must winterize ourselves so that we may not freeze, but go out and knock doors with much vigor?"

7. And Sister Haws replied, "Thou are surely a wise companion."

(Sister Osborn getting in the Christmas spirit by decorating herself along with the tree)

8. And so, in the ninth hour of that day did Sister Haws and Sister Osborn begin to winterize themselves so that they might preach the gospel in Canada without freezing nigh to death.
9. And this is an accounting of the layers of their winterization in the third week of the eleventh month, which is known as the time of the great snow.
10. And the Sisters did commence with two pairs of thick tights, which were followed by a pair of long johns. And after that, cometh yet another pair of thick tights. And great was the thickness there of.
11. Then cometh the warm skirts and wool socks and long sleeved shirts and sweaters.
12. And once the first layers had been accomplished, the Sisters did look upon their outfits and beheld that they were warm.

(Sister Haws, doing her impression of the cell-phone-wielding AP's, arrayed in her first layer of winter weather clothing.)

13. But the warmth thereof was not great enough, for behold, this was Canada.

14. And so the Sister did pile on coats and gloves and scarves and hats and all manner of winter gear.

15. And when the Sisters were sufficiently winterized they did go and preach the gospel unto the Canadians.

(Sister Haws, completely winterized, standing outside the Sister's Stratford apartment.)

CHAPTER 2
1. And so it came to pass in that same day, there was held a meeting in the branch that is called Stratford, and the Sister's were in attendance among the multitude.

2. And there was much laughter among the branch when they did behold the Sisters, and they said unto them, "How is it that thou art so round, seeing as how we feed thee not?"

(Sister Haws playing basketball Canadian style)

3. And the Sisters did say unto them, "See-est thou not that the roundness comes not of ourselves but from the many layers that we have put on to make ourselves warm?"

4. And the laughter of the branch did increase four fold as the branch members exclaimed, "O thou wimpy Americans! Knowest thou not that this is but the beginning? For soon the real cold shall be upon us. And in that day will your sorrows in tracting be magnified one hundred fold."

5. And there was much sorrow in the Sisters' hearts because of the truths which the branch members did speak unto them.

(Sister Haws with Super-mini-missionary and Stratford branch member Sariah.)

6. But nevertheless, the Sisters did continue to preach the Gospel to the Canadians despite the exceedingly great coldness of the country. And they did rejoice in their labors and also in the great warmth of their beds at each day's close.

7. And now, I make an end of my epistle unto you, President, having made known the days of my winterization in the time of the great snow in Canada, which is called winter.