And Staring:
11:54 – Mindy turns on her computer in preparation for the phone call and the resulting blog post.11:55 – Mom, Kenna, and Kylie play card games, Dad takes out the garbage, Warren plays his family’s new Wii.
11:56 – Mindy begins to think that she is the only one who is truly excited for Greg’s phone call. Mindy decides to document this moment of sibling devotion so that, when Greg comes home and makes his fortune, he will buy her nice Christmas presents.
11:57 – Mindy remembers that Greg is planning on going into public education when he comes home and therefore will be fortune-less. Mindy starts a game of Tetris on her computer.
11:58 – Dad dials Elder Greg’s number, waits, then says, “Hello?” three times. Greg replies with a “Hello!” of his own, but Dad, unable to believe that ( after 18 technology-impaired missionary phone calls in the last ten years) the call actually went through on the first try.11:59 – Dad finally realizes that Greg is in fact on the line, declares it a “Christmas miracle” and asks Greg how his Christmas is going. Greg replies, “It’s alright. It’s a little boring.” Becky comments, “That’s because you don’t have a missionary to call,” then jumps up to stop Kylie from climbing the Christmas tree.
12:01 – Dad asks if Greg likes the inflatable pillow tie he sent in the Christmas box. Greg says, “It’s awesome!” Dad tells Greg that he wore his own inflatable tie to a High Council meeting and to Stake Conference and it was a big hit. Greg says, “Cool. Do you think I will be home in time to testify at your excommunication hearing?”
12:02 – Dad tells Greg that Jenny has been cranky about missing all of Greg’s phone calls, so we will be talking to Greg for 45 minutes so that Jenny can call him for the last fifteen. Greg asks what Jenny thinks of that plan. Dad says she is happy about it. Greg declares it a Christmas miracle.
12:03 – Mom loses her third game of Texas Hold’em to Kenna and hops on the other line. She asks Greg about his new area. Greg says, “This new area is different. I actually kind of miss Tavira. We live in Montijio, a really big area with a lot of people. The chapel is 45 minutes away from our house and the area where we work, so it is going to be kind of hard to get investigators to Church.”
12:03 – Kylie waves to Greg.
12:04 – Mom says, “Tell me everything you did today.” Greg says, “Well, we exercised, studied, opened packages, called the zone leaders, and had a surprise meal with members. They cooked us potatoes and turkeyish stuff. Then we came to the branch building for my companion’s phone call. He is using the branch phone and is going on two hours .” Mom wonders how much extra tithing she would have to pay to get to talk to Greg for two hours on Mother’s Day.
12:06 - Kylie stands near the phone Mindy is using and says, “Hello!” Kenna tries to scream her hellos, is shush-ed, becomes sad, and threatens to walk home.
12:07 - Mom asks about Greg’s new companion. Greg answers, “He has been out for three transfers but is the most green companion I think I’ve had. The others had a handle on the language because they were doing a lot of teaching, but this area hasn’t had much going on for 6 months.”Mom asks about the card and handkerchief she sent for the lady he taught in Tavira. Greg said that, before her baptism, he had told the sister that everyone in the zone, his home ward, and his stake president were praying for her. He said that helped her feel better, but added, “All of those prayers put a lot of pressure on me to not mess it up! Everyone asks about this baptism of a lady who is afraid of water. It is a fun story because everything that could go wrong with a baptism went wrong.”
12:08 - Greg is worried that his pictures and present for mom and dad haven’t come. Warren, after talking Kenna out of trying to walk home, teaches her to mix delightfully refreshing non-alcoholic cocktails.
12:09 – Mom asks if Greg will still get to have P-day on Monday. Greg assures his mother that he will still get to email her on Monday. Mom is happy.12:10 – Greg says that this will be his first Sunday in his new area. There are 30 people in this branch, twice as many as Taveria. The ward members aren’t missionary minded, so it will be hard work to get the area moving. Greg is a little stressed because the previous elders hadn’t written in the area book for 4 months. Mindy gets paper cuts just thinking about her old area books.
12:12 – Mindy fills Greg in on the contents of her pre-phone-call-phone-call to Jenny’s children. After being told that Max is cooler than he is, Greg replies, “What? Come on! I’m …speechless. I mean… I was not expecting that.”
12:14 – Mindy passes along Bentley’s question about the chances of Greg forgetting how to speak English. Greg says, “Ummm probably not. We speak a lot of English on the mission with other missionaries, unfortunately. And there are very few native missionaries here, only 4 or 5 native elders. The majority still come from America because the church is still young in Portugal.”
12:16 – Dad tells Greg about his lunch with Max during grandparents day at the kid’s school. Max pointed out a girl at another table and announced, “That girl is hot. Not your kind of hot grandpa. She’s sexy.” Greg says he will call Max to repentance as soon as he gets home this summer.
12:20 – Mom fills Greg in on all of the Christmas happenings and tells him about the presents everyone received.
12:21 –Kenna rewires the kitchen CD player, while Kylie figures out how to work Dad’s paper shredder. Mom revises the present list to only include surviving presents while Becky checks to make sure Kylie still has all of her fingers. She does, and Warren declares it a Christmas miracle.
12:22 – Greg says that Codfish is the traditional Christmas dish in Portugal. Mindy says, “Ick.”. Greg says that he likes codfish with cream, but not boiled with oil and vinegar, which is the way most people in Portugal prepare it.
12:23 – Greg says, “Everyday gets a little bit harder because this area hasn’t had a lot going on. We have to find somewhere to start and that is what’s scaring me. I don’t know what to do first: knock doors, contact old investigators, work on activation or beg and plead for member referrals.”
12:25 – Greg continues, “This could be my last area. I only have four more transfers. Other missionaries think I will leave this area before that, but I want to see success here before I leave. It will be good. I’m excited for this transfer. We have a teenage boy we are teaching who should get baptized here in a couple of weeks. I think we are going to see a lot of success. It really is going to be good.” Mom and Dad are proud.
12:26 - Spencer calls from New York to listen in. He asks Mindy to tell Greg, “Thanks for the Lions (Greg’s favorite team). They were our first win of the season.” Greg says, “The Bills won a game? It’s a Christmas miracle!”
12:27 – Greg says, “You can see Lisbon from our apartment.” Mindy suddenly flashes to Sarah Palin’s, “I can see Russia from my house” comment. Mindy thinks Sarah Palin style glasses would look good with Greg’s facial structure.
12:28 – Greg says that his new companion is allergic to a lot of stuff and doesn’t like meat, so Greg has to eat double at dinner appointments. Warren declares it a Christmas miracle!
12:29 – Warren takes a turn talking to Greg. They ask each other, “Sup?” and grunt a bit before calling each other punks and ripping on each other’s mission languages.
12:32 – Greg congratulates Warren and Becky on the upcoming birth of their third child/first son. Warren says, “If the baby has light hair, we are thinking we will name him Zachery Bryce in honor of you.” Greg is touched. Warren continues, “Oh, and when you get home, you can help finish building a play room for him in the basement. You know, that room that I had you put the window in before you left?”
12:33 – Greg remembers working on Warren’s basement before he left and begins to think about extending his mission.
12:34 – Kenna figures out how to make the phones whistle with feedback. Mindy declares it a Christmas miracle.12:35 – Mom tells Greg that one of his old companions called and told her that Greg was a good missionary who loved the people and baptized whole families. Greg is confused and/or humble and responds, “Only two families.” Mom jokes, “You slacker!” Greg adds, “One of the families has already been to the temple. That is awesome.”
12:38 - Dad updates Greg on his friends. Kylie turns on the TV and Mindy is distracted by Snuggie ads.
12:40 - Dad asks if Greg needs any clothes to see him through to the end of his mission. Greg says he is good on clothes and knows of good shoe repair places in this area. Mom asks how his socks are holding out. Greg says his socks are dying, but he can get those in Portugal. Mom says Mikey could never find the right kind of socks in Brazil. Dad adds, “Poor Mike kept buying packs that only came with left foot socks and no right foot socks.”
12:42 – Mom announces that it is almost time to hang up so that Jenny and Mikey can call Greg. Dad warns Greg, “Don’t talk about Mike’s paper cut.” Greg says, “Huh?” Dad says, “You know… Mike’s very painful paper cut. His very painful blond paper cut….” “Oh yeah,” Greg says, “her.”12:43 – Greg says a silent prayer of thanks for mission rules that have prevented him from experiencing any similar “paper cuts” for the last 19 months and makes a mental note to ask the mission president if he can extend indefinitely to avoid any future “paper cuts.”
12:44 – Mindy explains to Kenna that “paper cut” is code for obnoxious twits who break up with (comparatively) nice boys via text message for kicks.
12:45 – Everyone says goodbye to Greg. Dad says, “We’ll send you a copy of Mindy’s blog so you can see what you didn’t say.” Greg laughs; Mindy is offended. Greg explains, “No! I’m not laughing at that. I’m laughing because I just got dad’s joke about the socks!” Becky declares it a Christmas miracle!
I was blessed with a wonderful Mission President, President Glen L. Rudd, who was very patient with me as I learned the things I should have known well before entering the MTC and Mission field. 
