For My Nephews

The English kidlets have spent the past week weeks studying Greek mythology... one of their favorite topics. We spent a few class periods putting Theseus on trial for one count of regicide in the death of the Minotaur (a 1/2 prince of Crete),  spousal abandonment (he "accidentally" left his wife of 14 hours on a nearly deserted island), and involuntarily patricide in this death of his father, King Aegeus of Athens (who threw himself to his death off of a rocky cliff because Theseus had another forgetful moment.) We also held an appeals trial for Prometheus who felt that his punishment (being chained to a mountain for eternity and having a giant vulture rip out his liver every single day) was cruel and unusual and didn't fit his crimes (disobeying Zeus, theft of fire, and reckless endangerment of the lives of humans). 

The myth trials (formulating and supporting arguments... and some brilliant acting) is pretty intensive, so for the last day or so we finished out our mythology unit by creating our own constellations and writing myths to explain them. The kidlets have done such a great job, I couldn't resist sharing some of them with my mythology-interested nephews. I wish I could post ALL of the kid's myths... but I don't know that the niblets could make it though 85 of them. So here are some that I thought Bentley, Max and Joe might enjoy.

 One day, an old man named Victor Mills was inventing Pampers: a kind of soft, comfortable diaper that a baby could wear. Eros, the god of love, (also known as Cupid) wears a cloth that is itchy and uncomfortable. So he came to Victor and said, “Could you make me a diaper that would be fit for a God?” So Victor invented Pull Ups. Eros thanked him and put his wonderful invention in the sky as a constellation. (C.H.)

The [Cowtown] Bobcats softball team was the finest softball team in the land. They played over 50 tournaments every year. One day, Zeus decided to come down from Mount Olympus to watch the Bobcats play in their very last tournament of the year. Zeus got the best seat, which was directly behind home plate. He loved how quick and aggressive they were while they were playing. When the Bobcats bit the softball, it reminded Zeus of the sound his lightning bolts made when he hurled them at humans. Zeus thought that softball was a pretty great sport, so he decided that he would put a glistening constellation of a softball in the sky to honor it. (A.L.)

 When the great Zeus created the first penguin, he was so pleased with himself that he decided to keep it with him at Mount Olympus. Hera, however, was not pleased with Zeus’s creation. You see, Zeus paid absolutely no attention to his wife after getting his penguin. Hera did everything she could to get rid of that annoying creature. She took away the penguins’ power of flight, and even banished the penguin’s family to the coldest part of the world. But however hard she tried, the penguin wasn't phased by any of the misfortunes she cast on him. Finally, Zeus realized what was happening to his little friend and he stopped Hera from doing any more harm. To remind his wife of her great failure, Zeus put a picture of his amazing penguin in the highest sky. (K.W.)

One rainy day, Poseidon and Zeus were making ran and lighting when Poseidon heard a wave…but in a weird place: an Athenian home. Poseidon went down to investigate. He disguised himself as a plumber and said that Athenian’s water system was “unique”, so they gladly let him in. He went into the bathroom to see the thing that was making the wave sound, but he didn’t know what the thing was. Poseidon asked, confused, “What is this remarkable work of porcelain that is fit for even the mighty lord Poseidon?” The Athenian answered, “We call it the potty, the porcelain throne, or , as it is more widely known, the toilet. Poseidon was mesmerized by how this mechanism could summon and cast off water with the flick of a wrist. Poseidon had to thank these people for what they made. He finally tool off his disguise, stole their toilet, and put it in the sky next to Aquarius. (C.F.)