Before we begin round two of this year’s Direct Writing Assessment Greatest Hits, I think I should provide a little more evidence that our species is not doomed .
Exhibit A: “Because of the Holocaust the world had to decide where to put the Jews. Of course, the Holy Land, and then that just started a whole lot of other problems.”
Exhibit B: “Curiosity is a friend of mine, so I just had to investigate.”
Exhibit C: “When my parents divorced I became two different people, my dad’s house guest and my mom’s best friend.”
See, most 7th graders can be very creative and insightful when they want to be.
But, because they are so darn entertaining, here are a few more exceptions that prove the rule.
One poor girl wrote about being injured while roller-skating because she was blinded by the disco ball.
One little guy wrote about an injury, but managed to look on the bright side: “I got 16 stitches in my chin but it wasn’t all bad cause I had a good lookin nurse.”
One kid took the prompt very literally and wrote about what they would change about their HISTORY CLASS. “I would change history so we could do our homework in class… I would also make it so the teacher couldn’t give us more than two assignments a day and we could go to the restroom whenever we need to.”
"Car accidents do not lead to a good time. "
A 7th grade girl wished she could go back to the beginning of her 6th grade year to stop herself from “falling in love” with her sixth grade boyfriend. I thought her description of that first meeting was interesting in that it explains what a sixth grader is looking for in a relationship. “He was kind, sweet, cute, and lived within walking distance. So you can see how I fell for him.”
One peace-loving kidlet was especially concerned with war. Or, more specifically, with the death tolls of various wars and their effects on the human population. “Eventually there will be more bunnies than people. As a result, unless you want to be a bunny slave, I suggest you stop killing each other.”
A Little More 7th Grade Revisionist History
“I would change what happened when President Bush gave a speech in Iraq. Someone in the audience threw a shoe at his head. In Iraq, that is the worst insult you can give. Angry, President Bush ended the speech by declaring war. I think declaring war on a whole country when just one person throws a shoe at your head is a real waste of money and soldiers.”
“I wish Black Beard the pirate had not been killed. I would make him sketch a map to his treasure so I could dig it up.”
One creative little guy thought that the discovery of America would have been much more interesting if… “Columbus drove speed boats and the Indians lived in really nice trailers in a trailer park by the dock.”
This is the first paragraph from an essay titled, Truth About Salem. “Salem Oregon; such a beautifully simple town. It was not always like this, though. Dark secrets are hidden beneath its streets. Mysteries that will give not only children, but adults nightmares. This of course is why I want to go back and change the Salem Witch Trial so that it never happens.”
“I would change the Boston Tea party, because it just wasn’t cool and was a serious downer. Instead, we would have a holiday about balloons on June 10th, my birthday. We just don’t have enough holidays honoring balloons.”
Hurricane Katrina was a popular subject:
“I wish the Katrina water had turned to cottage cheese so no one got hurt."
“I would change Hurricane Katrina to something less deadly, like an alligator raid or raining Pepsi cans.” That would be awesome and a miracle.”
In the last post, I shared a few samples from the thousands of essays written about World War Two. The only topic that the 7th graders found more change-worthy than the holocaust or the attack on Pearl Harbor, was September 11th, 2001. Reading about the tragic events of that morning over and over and over and over and over and over could have gotten kind of rough…if the kids had actually known anything about what they were writing about.
You would not BELIEVE how many essays about 9/11 started out with, “If I could change on event in history, I would change 9/11. I don’t know what day it happened, but….” For example…
“I don’t know what the date was, but it happened at 9:11 in the morning.”
“On that day in November, at 9:11 a.m., millions of people died.”
“I don’t know when 9/11 happened, but it was soon after it that they named the emergency number 911.”
“9/11 happened when two Vietnamese military men decided to get revenge on the United States once and for all.”
“I would change how the Nazi’s blew up the twin towers.”
“One plane hit the twin towers and the other was going to hit the Octogon.”
One kid thought the terrorists deserved to be “remurdered”. I agreed.
“After the tourists knocked down the first twin tower, they flew around and knocked down the other one. Then they decided to do the same thing to the White House, but the president flew back to DC and stopped them… I don’t know if those tourists ever got caught.”
“If I could change one event, it would be 9/11. I would change it by getting Chuck Norris to help take-out Bin Laden.”
Noble Attempts at Figurative Language
"She pulled me so hard I thought dogs would start crying."
"I was walking with my friend and my big fat 5th grade mouth said the meanest thing in history."
A Few More Spelling Issues"Call me old fasten."
One poor girl was traumatized after learning that 2,000 mustangs were recently “youthinized”.
Similes and Metaphors
"Hurricane Katrina was as horrible as a cat locked in a cage with birds."
"Before my grandpa died, he was like a train: all great and grand, then he got some kinks, then he crashed."
One little guy wrote about his ward boundaries being changed during stake conference. He said he kept trying to ask his parents what was going on, but “They shook me off like a dog shakes off water after going swimming.”
"The Japanese forever cut through the Pacific Islands like a samurai sword through a watermelon."
"The Beatles went out faster than a tube of red lipstick at Courtney Love’s house."
"My parents take away privileges faster than a starving wolf would kill a one legged deer."
The 2009 Winner of the Miss H Award Excellence in Essay Writing is…“I wish I wouldn’t have let my friend shake my hamster till he peed.... I wish I hadn’t made him go through the tube he didn’t fit through.”
In conclusion, somewhere in the state of Idaho there are 47 very tired, yet entertained 7th grade English teachers, 19,000 brilliant and/or confused 7th graders, and one very traumatized hamster.Please pray for us all.
1 comment:
Hahahaha! Oh my gooooosh, I loved this. I laughed and laughed. THank you so much. I needed a pick-me-up. Tourists attacking the twin towers...Hahaha!
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