Enlisted, not Afflicted

I rewrote a hymn this week, but out of necessity, not for fun.

You see, occasionally I have this problem wherein I get a song stuck in my head, and can’t get it out of my head unless I do something with it. It happened a lot on my mission.

Once, in Brampton, my companion and I went to a neighborhood social with an investigator. Shortly after we arrived, somebody started blasting Ricky Martin’s “Living la vida loca” on their car stereo. By the end of the second verse, the song had lodged itself in my brain and refused to vacate for the next two days. Finally, I decided the only way to save myself from this not-appropriate-for-missionaries tune was to rewrite the words to make it mission appropriate. Hence, “Living the Balanced Effort” was born.

(They’re in to act-i-vation, and mem-ber work with-in the ward;
They go out on ex-changes, and help mem-ber’s serve the Lord…)

Last weekend, the combination of planning for our big stake Relief Society conference (this Tuesday at 6:30!) and preparing for the ward conference lesson we are supposed to be teaching tomorrow(Elder Holland's We Are All Enlisted)created the perfect environment for a tune to burrow down deep into my brain.

We had just been organizing the last few details of our big (350 sisters signed up!) conference (this Tuesday at 6:30!), when our fearless Stake Relief Society President (Jolene!) switched gears and mentioned the talk we are supposed to teach. Suddenly, my brain started singing a version of “We Are All Enlisted”, and not the version that is in the hymn book. You probably know which version I am talking about. It’s the one we sing under our breath sometimes when we are in one of those moods, the version that starts out: We are all afflicted ‘till the conference is o’er…

That version of the song kept playing over and over in my head until the meeting ended. Then I caught myself humming it as we did our ward conference visits that night. I sang it over and over as I worked on conference related things on President’s Day, and by the time school started on Tuesday, I knew I needed to do something drastic if I was ever going to get that version out of my head.

So, in honor of our big stake Relief Society conference (this Tuesday at 6:30!), here is the newest, slightly more appropriate, rewritten version of "We Are All Enlisted" (hymn #250).

We are all en-list-ed ‘till the con-ference is o’er;
Hap-py are we? Stressed, cer-tain-ly!
Din-ner, skit, song, work-shops,
There’s a big night in store;
We just might sur-vive it after all.

Haste to the kitch-en, quick to the gym;
Check on the nurse-ry, run back a-gain.
Pray there’s e-nough food, hand-outs, and chairs;
And don’t for-get to tras-late to es-pañ-ol…

We are all en-list-ed ‘till the con-ference is o’er;
Bus-y, are we! Still, we’re happy!
Din-ner, skit, song, work-shops,
There’s a big night in store,
Then we will start planning for next year!

I am hoping that, by the time the conference (this Tuesday at 6:30 p.m.!) ends (8:00 p.m.!), this particular tune will have played itself out. Of course, since we will still have to clean up the conference after words, there is a good chance that I will get another well known version of a rewritten hymn in my head before I head home. So, if you see me at school Wednesday morning and I am softly singing, “We all have work, don’t be a jerk, put your shoulder to the wheel...” feel free to ignore me and go on about your business.