How To Deep Fry A Twinkie

Step #1: Make friends with an amazingly wonderful, overworked, under-appreciated orchestra teacher. Be sure your orchestra teacher is willing to do anything short of selling her left kidney to raise the money she needs to keep her district’s strings program going.

Step #2: Find a large group of pre-assembled people who would be willing to buy and eat deep fried Twinkies, i.e. monster truck rallies, Comic-Con, county fairs, Daughters of the America Revolution afternoon teas, medical marijuana dispensaries, the South, Ivy League University class reunions, or Canada.

HELPFUL HINT: If you decide to go with the county fair option like Elizabeth, be sure to secure booth space next to as much livestock as possible.

Step #3: Recruit willing orchestra students, orchestra parents, and friends from other school districts to serve as salespeople, money-takers, tally-mark-makers, and fry cooks.
Step #4: Purchase supplies, including fryers, Twinkies, cake mixes, napkins, forks, paper boats, tarps, folding chairs, large pointy forky thingies, and eggs.

HELPFUL TIP: When entrusting high school orchestra students with the responsibility of returning the perishable items to the booth cooler or the 4H freezer, make sure they know in which area the eggs should be returned. HINT: It is NOT the FREEZER.

Step #5: Advertise!

HELPFUL TIP: When affixing signage to bouncy little 6th graders, duct tape works much better than twine.

ANOTHER HELPFUL TIP: When allowing bouncy little 6th graders to CREATE signage, be sure to have an adult check the spelling before posting that signage on your booth.

Step #6: Fry those Twinkies!

Step #7 (Optional): Toss in some Oreos too. The chocolate lovers will thank you, as will their cardiologists who will then be able to afford those new vacation homes on Martha’s Vineyard after the post-fair week bypass bills are paid.

Step #8: Attempt to talk passersby into purchasing and consuming the Twinkies and/or Oreos.

HELPFUL TIP: Try coming up with different slogans to yell at the passerby, such as:”It’s fair week! Live a little!” or “Buy a Twinkie: It’s for the children!” or “Consume some bad carbs for a good cause!” or “Just one won’t kill you… probably!”

Step #9: Eat one, or two. Remember, it’s for the children.
Step #10: Go on a strict diet and begin an aspirin regimen in preparation for your own county’s upcoming fair week. Rumor has it, there might be deep fried butter and chocolate covered bacon.

Cardiologists of the Magic Valley, Rejoice! I see new sports cars in your future.