Reason #17 Why My Sister Doesn't Visit Me: Shoshone Falls

...or as Jenny calls it, "Yet another place near Mindy's house where my children could be killed."

Other locations on my beloved elder sister's Southern Idaho deathtraps list include: the Snake River (death by drowning), Durfee's Hot Springs (death by scalding), City of Rocks National Preserve (death by falling), Balanced Rock (death by squishing in the event the rock becomes unbalanced), Massacre Rocks (self explanatory), Starr's Ferry (death by excessive and unnecessary use of the letter 'r'), and that cute little carnival that sets up in the JC Penny's parking lot every summer (death by Ferris wheel ,funnel cake, and/or carnival worker) . I can understand Jenny's reluctance to introduce her children to a waterfall that is taller than Niagara. I mean, while they are extremely cute, her kids are also extremely accident prone; at least one of them suffers an accidental injury roughly every 12.4 minutes. And that's not counting the injuries they regularly inflict upon each other (Bentley takes karate and the baby recently grew teeth and developed a taste for human flesh).
And I admit that teasing Jenny about this particular topic is kind of hypocritical considering my firm belief that Nature wants to eat me.

As I have tried to explain my friends who keep trying to talk me into giving white water rafting a second try , Nature's number one goal is to eat people. This has been nature's goal ever thousands of years and will use any of the weapon's in its arsenal (bears, sharks, tornado's, waterfalls, squirrels, etc) to accomplish it.

And, while Nature does want to eat people in general, I think Nature has a special grudge against me. That grudge may have something to do with the kitten I apparently smothered and/or decapitated in the photo below.

It turns out, Nature really likes kittens, probably because they have the ability to eat people (Of course, that would also mean that Nature would really like Jenny's cannibalistic baby, so she should at least be willing to send him up to see the falls).

Where Jenny and I differ is that (with the exception of the white water rafting thing) I don't let my fears keep me from experiencing life to the fullest. I ride 4-wheelers (as a passenger) in nature's back yard, I visit Shoshone Falls at least once ever summer, and I spend 9 months of every year teaching in a classroom with a homicidal pull-down screen whose many attempts on my life have been documented by countless junior high students.

I went to Shoshone falls twice last week: Once with Elizabeth and her sisters (who, by the way, visit their sister all the time, cough, cough), and then again the next day with Krystal and Katie.
As you can tell from the photos below, I survived. Me. The kitty-killer nature has been seeking revenge against for decades. Elizabeth's baby nephew and Krystal's medium-smallish niece also manage to walk/be carried away from the overlook.

So, since those two adorable test cases managed to survive, I think that Jenny should reconsider her anti-falls stance. Her kids would be love it ...

After all, Krystal's niece had a blast...

And just look at how impressed Elizabeth's nephew was with our local natural wonder....

Then we could all go swimming at Dierkes Lake, the fun, family swimming hole located just a short walk upstream from the falls.

Ooops. I didn't really mean, "upstream from the falls". Really, Jenny, I didn't. The lake is just, ummm, above the falls. A beautiful, non-lethal, green and blue oasis in the middle of a lava rock desert that is in no way attached or connected to the 212 foot waterfall below. I think.

Jenny wouldn't even have to worry about the chemicals or mutant bacteria in public pools. This swimming hole is all natural, the only additions to the water being large amounts of fish and duck poop.

And I am sure that her kids wouldn't be interested in jumping off the cliffs into the water outside the designated swimming area.
Nope. Her kids wouldn't be into that at all.

But if Jenny is still a little nervous about bringing her kids up to visit Shoshone Falls, we could always take the advice of the very informative signs posted in various locations around the park.

A kid on a leash is not an unusual sight at the falls.

In fact, Jenny could borrow Becky's girls' leashes for the littlest kids.

Or she could pick up five matching leashes at Petco. And while she is there, she could get a muzzle for the baby.According to his apparently delicious big brothers, those front teeth of his have gotten pretty sharp.