In Case You Missed Today's Special Stake Conference...

1. And it came to pass that, in the eighth month of the first year of the reign of President Jones, the High Council was sent forth to deliver a message unto all the stake.

2. And they did go forth unto every branch and every ward, even into the afar off wilderness of the Star wards, and this is the message which they did read unto the people:

3. “Hearken all ye members of the Burley West Stake, yea, even the true and living stake of Burley. We bring you good tidings of great meetings, which shall be for all stake members.

4. For behold, scheduled this week for an upcoming Sunday, there shall be an additional stake conference, even a third stake conference, which shall be called ‘special’.

5. And on that day a General Authority, even Elder Gonzales of the Presidency of the Seventy, shall speak unto us words of great worth.”

(The Stake Center)
6. And it came to pass, directly after these words had proceeded forth from the mouths of the high councilors, the people of the stake began to marvel. Yea, even before the high councilor’s suited behinds touched the seats of their chairs did the whispering and wondering commence.

7. There were many in the land who did quake and tremble, believing these things to be a sign of ward boundary changes.

8. And they did say unto one another, “Behold, we shall lose our beloved friends and our established benches. And what is worse, we may be sent into a ward wherein they are in need of scout leaders. And, if that should come to pass, wo be unto us.”

9. But there were others who did spread word throughout the stake that perhaps President Jones had been called to lead a mission, like unto President Sagers, and that yet another new President would be called.

10. Others did steadfastly believe that this new conference was to make recompense for the last, even the stake conference wherein the fire alarm did sound forth loud sounds of warning, even louder than the sounds of the crying babies and snoring High Priest Group leaders, for the space of 17 minutes.

11. But others, not believing in the re-do doctrine, did put forth the idea that the stake had been chosen to experiment upon new programs, like unto a two hour block wherein Sunday School would go the way of all the earth. And many did smile in their hearts at this thought.

12. And still there were others who did proclaim, only slightly in jest, that along with copies of the rest hymn, maps to Missouri might also be handed amongst the assembled people. Yea, and they began to Google “Adam-ondi-Ahman Real-estate ”, and great was the Google-ing thereof.

(Our Stake Presidency...Photo borrowed from President and Sister Peterson's blog)

13. And these theories, and more like unto them, did circulate amongst the people of the stake for many days and were shared over refreshments at Relief Society meetings, and at the close of pack meetings, and during halftime at high school basketball games. Yea, even in the aisles of Wal-Mart were these things discussed.

14. And when the days of preparation were accomplished and the stake conference, which is called Special, was to be held, people traveled from every corner of the stake to hear the words which the visiting general authority would speak.

15. And they did fill the chapel, and the gym, and the stage.

16. And more people did come, and they did fill the Relief Society Room, and the Young Women’s room.

17. And some people did sit on couches in the foyer, though if this sitting was by choice or out of necessity we know not.

18. And the parking lot was filled also, with cars and trucks of all descriptions. And it was whispered inside the hallways that some cars did contain walking shoes and mid-western-climate-appropriate clothing, just in case.

19. And the assembled people, as they did wait for the meeting to start, did watch their Stake President. And they did watch as he did pace near the door, and as he from time to time did rub his face. And the people did read great meanings into these things.

(The star of our last stake conference)
20. But when Elder Gonzales did arrive, and also Elder Rowe with him, then did President Jones’s countenance brighten. And when he did begin the meeting, he did immediately tell the people that boundary changes would not be forth coming.

21. And when the people did hear these things, joy did fill their hearts. And they did think upon their chosen and established benches and smile.

22. And then President Jones did speak unto the people, telling them: “Yea, the time has come when we as a stake must develop the courage and capacity to spread the gospel. We must extend invitations to meetings and activities to those who would not normally attend. But behold, this is not all. We must also make personal prayer , scripture study, and meaningful family home evenings regular occurrences in our homes."

23. And behold, after he had said these things he did sit down, and his relief and happiness were evident to all. And the people did begin to wonder if part of their beloved President’s relief was due to the guards placed round about every fire alarm in the building…
(Our visiting General Authority, Elder Gonzales)
24. And Sister Barger then did take the stand and did teach the people beautiful truths from the war chapters of Alma. And Krystal did bear a brief, but dedicated testimony, speaking even more swiftly than she swam in the Spudman, which is to say, pretty darn swiftly.

25. And then Elder Rowe did teach about the importance of grandparents , and he did counsel the people to turn the doors of their tents towards the temple. And none of the people did cringe at his mention of tents, feeling safe in the knowledge that they would not be switching to wards in need of scout leaders.

26. And when Elder Rowe did finish his speaking, Elder Gonzales did arise. And he did speak of his conversion to the gospel and his testimony of the Book of Mormon. And he did also speak of gratitude, and did express his own for the flower arrangements procured by Sister Jones.

27. And when he did finish expounding upon gratitude, he did counsel the assembled people to take time to ponder the things of the gospel, and to be willing to change our agendas to meet the needs we perceive in others.

(What the scouts should have sold in the foyer before the meeting today as a fund raiser.)

28. And when he had finished speaking, the people did indeed proclaim the conference “special”, and did feel a burning in their bosoms confirming to them the truths they had heard that day. And many also felt a tingling in their hindquarters confirming to them that they had been sitting on hard Church chairs. And great was the tingling thereof.

29. And so the people did return to their houses. Some to eat lunch, and others to nap, and others to unpack their bags that had been labeled, “Missouri or Bust.” And they did ponder the things taught at the conference in their hearts. And they did rejoice in the things they had felt.

30. But they did not erase their map quest directions to Missouri. Just in case.