How to Decorate Tables for a Stake High Priests Dinner

This post is about the proper procedure for decorating tables at a stake High Priests' dinner.

But not just any stake High Priests' dinner.

THE stake High Priests' dinner. The one that is held two weeks before a beloved stake presidency is to be released and the much-adored stake president leaves to become a mission president. The High Priests' dinner that EVERYONE is going to attend.

This post is about how to decorate tables for THAT stake High Priests' dinner.
-By the new Stake Relief Society Presidency
STEP #1: Attend the Relief Society leadership training in the Salt Lake Tabernacle. Sit on the front row so that the General Relief Society Presidency's awesomeness can be fully absorbed. Discuss table decoration plans on the drive home, while still basking in the warm glow of that awesomeness.

STEP #2: Procure many, many lacy tablecloths.

STEP #3: Begin to plan elaborate, pre-prison-era-Martha-Stewartesque centerpieces.

STEP #4: Remember that the exiting stake president is a manly-man rodeo cowboy.

STEP #5: Trash Martha Stewartesque plans and start to procure little-kid cowboy boots.

A lot of little kid cowboy boots.

STEP #6: Wash dust and/or manure off boots and fill with daises.

Step #7: Create other centerpieces using daises, mason jars, and rocks.

And beans. Because beans are very cowboyish.

STEP #8: Procure many pieces of stake-related trivia and stake presidency-related blackmail material.

Step #9: Use those pieces of information to make stake trivia table tents.

A lot of stake trivia table tents.

But don't try to glue them while you driving home from the General Relief Society training. You will get wicked car-sick. Trust me.

STEP #10: Load the table tents, jars, boots, and bandannas that you talked innocent bystanders into sewing for you/loaning you, into the car.

Step #11: Leave all of the table decorating stuff at the stake center overnight in hopes that a helpful cub scout pack, insomniac bishop, or the three Nephites will decorate the tables for you before morning.

STEP #12: Return the next morning to time your stuff still in the same place and lose faith in cub scouts. Then spend most of the morning and part of the afternoon arranging everything.

STEP 13: Be really, really happy with how everything turned out.

Step # 13 should be repeated frequently over the course of the evening.

STEP #14: Do one last spot-check to make sure all unappetizing substances have been removed from the boots.

STEP #15: Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.

STEP #16: Bliss-out to the magical musical stylings of the Bar J Wranglers before turning your attention to finalizing plans for Tuesday's stake axillary training.

STEP #17: Go home and have dreams about singing cowboys, not nightmares of being chased by killer daises and suffocated in mountains of boots.