A Cautionary Tale (that happens to rhyme)

Every kidlet in Cowtown liked Christmas a lot…
But the Test from the English Department did NOT!

That Test hated Christmas! The whole Christmas Season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his margin alignment wasn’t quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his corner staple was tight.
But I think the reason with the most likely chance
Is the lack of invitation to the school Christmas dance.

“Now they’re planning their wish lists!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Christmas Break’s coming! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled. With his Test claws nervously drumming,
“I must find some way to stop this vacation from coming!”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE TEST GOT A WONDERFUL AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Test gleefully spoke,
“I’ll show up just in time to leave their Christmas break broke!”


He sharpened his claws, horns, and drool-covered fangs
And rewrote his questions as he happily sang:
“I’ll replace all their presents with prepositional phrases,
And write a sequencing question that both stumps and amazes!
No easy interjection quandaries for you.
I’ll grill you on adverbs, protagonists, and 3rd person point of view!”
He smiled as he finished his dastardly plot.
“When they bring home this F, their Christmas break’s shot!”
The next morning the poor kidlets received quite a shock
The words “Huge Final Test” were written boldly in chalk.


They knew if they failed, what their parents would do:
Ground them from Facebook , wii’s, cell phones too!
Just the thought of a cell-phoned deprived Christmas break
Left them despondent. In their desks they did quake.
“I’ve done it!” he shouted. “They’ve given up hoping!
They’ll spend the break grounded, crying and moping!”
Then that Test rounded up all their presents and candy.
(Replacing joy with terror is a Test’s modus operandi).
Then he aimed a cruel parting shot at their auditory canals,
Shouting, “Failing students aren’t allowed at the Golden Corral!”
But as he patiently awaited the first teardrops to fall
He heard a confident shout from the opposite wall.


“Attention, dear kidlets! There is still a way
To avoid being grounded from phones and banned from buffets!
Tis I! Captain Study Guide! And I’ve come here to show
How to ace that mean test using stuff that you know!”
The kidlets were startled by this strange new sight.
(It’s not every day you see a talking paper in tights.)


But Captain Study Guide continued, unfazed by their stares,
“Don’t get beat by a test with green sparkly pit hairs!
Sure, he’s got pointy fangs, horns, and really sharp claws
And questions about fragments, a.k.a. dependent clause. "


"But you know all that stuff! You’ve learned it all year!
You just have to recall it. That’s why I’m here.”
So with the good captain’s aid, did the studying start,
(With a few short Fowl breaks to read of explosive dwarf farts).

They read, wrote, and scribbled. Defined every term.
But would it be enough for good grades now to earn?


I’m afraid at this juncture our story must pause
Because the end of this tale is not up to Miss Haws.


Will there cell phones, gifts and loud joyful cheers?
Or will there be grounding, sobbing, and tears?
Will you study, study, study? Use your cute little brains?
Or will you goof off now, then spend vacation in chains?


It’s up to you kidlets, the choice is all yours
Which kind of vacation will await you when you walk through this door?