Wild Kingdom: The field trip files

Today on Animal Planet, we explore the natural wonder of the honors kidlet’s DQ migration.


Join us as we follow a herd of honors kidlets as they travel across streets and fields, through neighborhoods and parking lots, led by an inborn desire to eat ice cream and French fries, today on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.

The migration of the honors kidlets is a seasonal occurrence. While there is no set date for the exodus to begin, scientific observers have recorded various signs that mean the kidlets are preparing to begin their journey. The most obvious of these signs is the change that occurs in the habitat of the leader of the kidlet’s herd, more commonly known as the “teacher”. The piles of permission slips, along lingering reminders of the “teacher’s” mortality, show that the "teacher" is noticing the students agitated state that signals their need to be herded towards the Dairy Queen.


This biological phenomenon is actually an adaptation that the honors kidlet s have made in response to changes to Idaho’s educational climate. Historically, the honors kidlets have followed a migration pattern from their home territory to the wilds of Twin Falls where their natural instincts led them on a path through movie theaters, restaurants, and museums. That path has changed significantly over the past two years, as global economic cooling as has made state legislators increasingly hostile toward all things education-related.

But despite this sad, politically motivated scaling back of their migration territory, the wild and woolly kidlets still find joy in their short walk in the sunshine, far away from the cave they were confined to during the previous months. Notice how, motivated by a common goal, one kidlet assists another who has become to exhausted to continue on. The sense of community increased significantly among a herd of kidlets during DQ migration time.

Of course, as with all wild creatures, that sense of community is drowned out by their overwhelming natural instinct to be first in line one their destination is in sight. It is not uncommon for kidlets who normal exhibit a very strong bond to turn against each other when blizzards are at stake.

One aspect of the kidlet's migratory experience that still baffles zoologists is the dietary choices made by the kidlets once they claw their way to the front of the line. One of the purposes of traveling over a mile to the DQ is to graze on foods that are not available to them back in their home habitat. The food provided at the home habitat on migration day was chicken strips and French fries. And what did the vast majority of the herd order after walking for 20 minutes? Chicken strips and French fries. Unfortunately, even with further research, this phenomenon might never be explained.

The half-way point of the migratory experience is signaled by the "teacher" counting the herd of grazing kidlets to ensure that none of them have wandered away...

...followed by the "teacher" taking a few moments to remember why she agrees to do this every year. Behavioral Zoologists think that the "teacher's" inability to remember and learn from past migratory experiences by avoiding future migratory experiences might be explained by the emotional beating they receive from the tribal leaders in Boise each year, but those studies are also ongoing.

Once the kidelts have finished grazing and the "teacher" has regained her will to live, the return journey begins. While the initial one mile walk to DQ is fueled by hunger and motivated by a desire for unhealthy , yet delicious food, the return journey is fueled by sugar and motivated by a desire to return to the kidlet's most natural state...

...being plugged into a video game. While the kidlets find the video game experience to be pleasant in any situation, playing things like Guitar Hero in a location where educational and not fun usually reigns supreme appears to give the kidlets an extra surge of happiness-inducing chemicals into their already sugar-saturated systems.

The end of the migration is usually signaled by the physical and emotional collapse of the "teacher" once the kidlets have moved on to their 4B classes. Occasional muttered outbursts of, "Stay together! Why won't you stay together?" and "There is no extra credit for snorting two spoonfuls of blizzard up your nose," may still be heard by any observers brave enough to approach the "teacher" after the migration. Thank your for joining us as we followed the wild south Idaho kidlet on its annual DQ migration. For more information about this wildlife phenomenon, click Here To donate to the "Save the Teachers Fund" send a lot of chocolate to my school. It may not be tax deductable but it is a much more worthy cause than saving a lot of other furry or feathery things. I promise.