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1. And now behold, I give unto you the parable of the Sunbeams.
2. In an afar off land, there dwelled a teacher of ‘tweens, known well for her humorous stories and handouts, yea, even her misspelled handouts.
3. And the teacher, being a teacher, had taught many lessons in the course of her days and had found much success therein.
4. But, notwithstanding the many lessons she had taught as to the dangers of pride, the teacher did allow her success to render her over-confident, and she began to be lifted up in her abilities to teach the multitudes.
5. But behold, I will show unto you the wisdom of the Lord in causing the high things of the earth to be brought low, and causing the proud, yea, even the most prideful of teachers, to be humbled unto the dust by children in a primary class named after floating, illuminated dust.
6. For it came to pass that, as the teacher did celebrate the days of her summer break by going to the bathroom whenever she hath the need, her phone did begin to ring.
7. And great was the ringing thereof.
8. And the teacher did go forth from her bathroom, and she did answer the phone. And the teacher did hear the voice of the Primary President calling out unto her, saying…
9. “Dear sister! I call unto you this day with a tale of great sorrow. For behold, our Sunbeam teacher hath gone away on a great journey and hath left the Sunbeams alone with no one to instruct them.”
10. And the teacher did agree with the Primary President that these were indeed sorrowful tidings. And the Primary President did continue to speak unto the teacher, saying…
11. “Seeing as how thou hath been called to the stake and are therefore useless unto this ward, yea even as useless as a flashlight is unto a blind man, wouldst thou be willing to instruct these Sunbeams for one Sunday upon the principles of family prayer?”
12. And the teacher, hearing the sorrow in the voice of the Primary President, did agree to instruct the Sunbeams for the length of one Sunday.
13. But the teacher had never before instructed creatures as small as the Sunbeams, and was therefore unsure of their lesson comprehension abilities. So the teacher did consider calling out to her mother for guidance, but her mother hath been called to lead the girls camp in an afar off land.
14. And my mother dwelt in a tent.
15. And it came to pass that the week did pass by swiftly, even as swiftly as an Elder’s Quorum President doth lose his shorts while being dragged by a power boat, until the day did arrive that had been set apart for the teaching of the gospel unto all people, including the Sunbeams.
16. And on that day, at the appointed time, did the teacher go forth unto the church house with her lesson and with her visual aids, firm in the knowledge that she would be able to instruct the Sunbeams in a most pleasing manner.
17. And it came to pass that, after the opening exercises had been completed, the teacher did follow the Sunbeams down the hall and into the room that had been prepared for their instruction.
18. And all of the Sunbeams did find their appointed seats, and they did put their bottoms in those appointed seats, and when the teacher saw that every bottom had been placed in a seat, she was glad and did she did inwardly rejoice at the easiness of the way.
19. But behold, as soon as the teacher had commenced teaching, yea, even the very moment she had begun to speak, did one of the Sunbeams call out unto her and announce before the whole class that she had a great need to make wee-wee.
20. And the teacher, being one who spends 3/4ths of her life unable to go to the bathroom whenever she hath the need, did have pity upon the Sunbeam and did allow her to depart unto the bathroom.
21. And when the Sunbeam had departed, the teacher did again begin to teach the lesson.
22. But as she began teaching, another Sunbeam did call out unto her to ask if she had brought treats to give unto him and his fellow Sunbeams. And when the teacher did tell him that she had not brought treats, the Sunbeam did proceed to pick his nose and eat what he found therein as if it were a treat.
23. And soon after that Sunbeam did begin feasting upon the contents of his nose, did another Sunbeam fall off his chair, yea, and for no discernable reason. And as the teacher attempted to help that Sunbeam regain his seat another Sunbeam removed her tiny shoe, and she spoke to the shoe as if it were her dearest friend. But the teacher was not discouraged and did continue to teach the lesson.
24. And it came to pass that, when the time came, the teacher did ask a question unto the Sunbeams, and the Sunbeams did raise their arms and did wave their snot-covered fingers and their shoes in the air and did beg to answer the question.
25. But when the teacher called on one Sunbeam, he did not answer the question, but instead told about his neighbor’s dog. So the teacher, still seeking an answer to the question she had asked, called upon another Sunbeam. But this Sunbeam told instead about her grandmother’s cat and the contents of its litter box.
26. And notwithstanding the teacher’s attempts to talk with the Sunbeams about family prayer, the remainder of the Sunbeams could not be dissuaded from sharing stories of animals and of grandparents and of poop.
27. And after the sixth or seventh story about poop, the teacher did remember the first sunbeam who had left the class and departed unto the bathroom. For behold, much time had passed since her departure and the teacher did begin to worry, for the bathroom was only five steps across the hall.
28. So the teacher did set up a game of family-prayer-picture-matching for the remaining Sunbeams and did set out to find the missing child.
29. And when the teacher entered the bathroom, she did find the Sunbeam there, pushing against the door, for the Sunbeam was small and had not the strength to push open the door. Yea, and she had been trapped in the bathroom for the space of many minutes.
30. And after the teacher did liberate the captive Sunbeam, she did return to the room where she did behold the remaining Sunbeams. And the remaining Sunbeams had finished the game of matching and had opened the classroom window, and were pushing the matching cards out the window, except for those cards that were being eaten by the same Sunbeam who had apparently run out of nose-based snack items.
31. And in such a manner did the remainder of the class time progress, with Sunbeams standing on chairs and talking to shoes and loudly declaring their individual and collective needs to make wee-wee.
32. And in a like manner did the Sunbeams behave during Sharing Time and Singing Time, until the two hours of primary were accomplished and the Sunbeams were released into the hallway to run screaming into the chapel and the pews of their parents.
33. And the teacher did also attend Sacrament meeting, but in a state of shock, and did spend the meeting repenting of her prideful thoughts and words and actions.
34. And thus we see that by small and simple means, even by the smallest of the primary children, are great things brought to pass.
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