On This Vacation, Life is Fair

Are you a city kid who dreams of spending a few days away from the hustle and bustle of city-kid-life?

Do you catch yourself daydreaming about wide open, cow-scented spaces?

Do you wish you had more opportunities to wear cowboy hats in public on days other than Halloween?

Do you occasionally lament that your meals don't contain more food that has been fried on sticks?

Do you ever long to give a very large pig a shower-bath with a garden hose?

Every now and then do you have the desire to shave off all your hair, bathe in raspberry flavored Jello, and only communicate through interpretive dance?

If so, you should see a therapist right away.

Seriously, like, NOW.

But if you only identify with the first five circumstances on the list, AND you happen to be child of one of my siblings, do I have a vacation opportunity for you!

Why go on a cruise to Alaska or take a bike tour through Portugual when you could pile into your mini van and drive a mere three hours to experience the all-inclusive resort-type atmosphere that is my county fair?

No fancy-schmancy hotel restaurant or cruise ship buffet can offer the same wide variety of culinary delights as fairground fare and the surrounding eateries. And where else besides my kitchen can small children feast on Taco Bandito and Raman Noodles at the same time? Not in Branson or Mt. Rushmore, that's for sure!

Want a vacation that provides plenty of cultural and historical experiences?

 Forget about paying expensive museum entry fees; you can tour the art building at the fair grounds for free!

And when you have seen all of the photos and paintings and flower arrangements that you can handle, there is always 4-H building with it's main attraction: The West Stake's fair booth, home to my newest assortment of fair ribbons!

A fair play vacation also comes complete with plenty of opportunities to interact with the animal kingdom.

You thought I was kidding about the whole, giving a pig a shower-bath thing, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. But, in the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that spraying a pig with a hose is part of the deluxe package. This year, only Ruby was able to qualify for that particular piggy perk.

And no Broadway show or whale watching experience can provide quite the same level of entertainment as the rodeo.

The roar of the crowd ringing in your ears, clumps arena "dirt" flying towards your face, and the rush of adrenaline shooting through your body as a wide cow drags it's would-be-rider long the fence where you watch it all with wide-eyed wonder.

And while the carnival rides might not be up to par with Universal Studios, they are still a pretty fun time...if you happen to be tall enough to ride them.

And some years there is also the added bonus of watching your very protective momma snap photos of you while cursing your aunt/tour guide/enabler under her breath.

So don't wait! Act now and book your fun-filled fair vacation for August 2013. It is an unforgettable experience. And if you don't believe me, just ask the satisfied customers pictured below.

Just don't ask their momma until they come down off their sugar high and she gets the manure stains out of their new school clothes.