A Competition: The Results

My mother and I's competition to see who could most completely corrupt Jenny's baby (a.k.a. Milo) continued over the course of the week. And once my mom read my post and realized we were having a competition, things got really intense.

Needless to say, the baby had a REALLY GOOD week.

His grandma made a strong second round showing by taking him to the zoo where she proceeded to let him feed the goats by hand and ride a "tiger" WITHOUT covering him in hand sanitizer afterwords (him meaning the baby, not the "tiger").

I countered by teaching him how to put Mikey in a headlock... but I lost points because I DID slather the baby in hand sanitizer afterwords. I don't regret my decision, even though it put me behind in the corruption rankings. I mean, I'm not saying that Mikey is more disease riddled than a petting zoo goat or a toy tiger that has seen more dirty hands and leaky diapers than the family bathroom at a Chuck-E-Cheese. I am not saying that at all. I am merely implying it, which is soooooo much kinder.

For round three, Grandma pulled out all the stops by having a huge parade pass by the house. A parade that included horses, fire trucks, several helicopter and airplane fly-overs, and countless people who threw candy at this little blond head.

And then she scored bonus points for giving him a snow cone that turned his tongue blue.

I countered by giving him a huge water gun, along with permission to shoot his brothers, his uncles, and a select list of local elected officials who made some stupid decisions during the past legislative session.

The water gun helped me shoot ahead in the corruption rankings. Grandma tried to catch up by feeding him cup after cup of homemade ice cream...

But round four went to me because I gave him sparklers or, as his mommy calls them, red-hot baby skewers of death. He was a little nervous at first, but he caught on real fast. Milo the Pyro will look really nice on his future FBI wanted posters, right?

But then Grandma really played dirty by giving him meat every day (the baby's momma limits her family's meat intake). That sneaky old woman even let him smash his own hamburger patty. Meat play dough? How is a girl supposed to compete with that?

By teaching him how to drive my car, of course!

I was on track to take home the big baby-corruption prize... until Homely decided to get into the competition. He chauffeured the baby around the neighborhood and introduced him to elderly neighbors who are infamous for being pretty loose with their candy bowls and cookie jars.

And then he broke out the guns that shoot little pellets of fresh potatoes.

The guns were such a hit with Milo and such a miss with his momma, Homely felt pretty secure in sharing an early victory root beer with the newly corrupted kid.

But it turns out that Homely had counted his corrupted chickens before they hatched.

The champion kiddie corrupter ended up being the baby's own extremely protective, exceptionally heath-conscious mother who had set him up on a blind date with a pretty blond with her own set of wheels.

But don't think I am turning in my corruption tools just because I lost this one competition. Jenny's other four kids will being spending two days with me over fair week and I intend to make full use of my home court advantage.