A Pre-Phone-Call Phone Call

Owing to the fact that Jenny's family won't be around to take part in the upcoming Christmas phone call to Elder Greggie, I decided to call her kids to find out what they wanted me to ask/tell their missionary uncle. What follows is an actual transcript of that phone call. The names and speech impediments have NOT been changed to protect the innocent. Ruby: Hi Minnd.
Me: Hi Rubistar. How are…
Ruby: (cutting in) We have you-er odiment, Minnd.
Me: (confused) My ornament?
Ruby: Yea, Minnd. You-er odiment. It’s on ouwr twee. (Ruby describes the ornament for 67 seconds using words I can’t spell without the aid of a Ruby-to-English Dictionary).
Me: (67 seconds later) That sounds great, Ruby! Guess what? I am going to talk to Uncle Greggie on Saturday.
Ruby: (to one of her assorted brothers) I’m tawking on da phone.
Me: Ruby? Do you have any questions for Uncle Greggie?
Ruby: (still talking to a brother) I’m tawking to Minnd!
Me: (extra loud to get her attention) Ruby! Can I ask you two questions?
Ruby: Umm. Yeah.

Me: Do you want to know anything about Uncle Greggie or his mission.
Ruby: Gweggie is on hims mission.
Me: Yes, he is so…
Ruby: Da brudders are not at schwool.
Me: That’s right. Your brothers are home for vacation, but about Greggie…
Ruby: (to me) Want to twak one of da brudders? (yelling to her brothers) Who wants to talk to Minnd? (to me) Hwere. You tan tawk to one of da brudders now, tay?
Phone: sounds of Ruby and at least one brother talking in conspiratorial whispers. Then…

Max: Is this Mindy?
Me: Yep.
Max: Hi Mind-o. Which one of the kids do you think you are talking to?
Me: Ummmmm… I think I am talking to Max.
Max: (disappointed) Awe. How’d you know?
Me: Because you are the kid who sounds the most like my family.
Max: (sounding pleased) I’m the only one who got mom’s side.
Me: That’s true. Are you enjoying your Christmas vacation?
Max: Yeah.
Me: What’s the best part so far?
Max: Not having to be in school. If we were in school you wouldn’t be able to talk to us right now, because we would be in school.

Me: Good call. Hey, do you have any questions for Uncle Greggie?
Max: No. I just want you to tell him something.
Me: Okey-dokey. What do you want me to tell him?
Max: I want you to tell Greg that I’m cooler than him. Now you can talk to Jonah
Phone: Sound of cell being tossed at Jonah. Sound of Jonah missing the cell. Sound of Jonah picking up the cell.

Jonah: Who is dis?
Me: This is Mindy.
Jonah: Who?
Me: Mindy, your aunt.
Jonah: Huh?
Me: This is your aunt Mindy. Your favorite aunt. From Burley.
Jonah: Oh. Yeah.

Me: I am going to talk to Uncle Greggie on Saturday. Do you want me to tell him anything?
Jonah: yells what sounds like lines from a Dr. Seuss book mixed with phrases from the Unabomber’s manifesto. Jenny/Mommy takes the phone away.
Jenny/Mommy: He says, “Tell him we have two real live panda’s in our house.”
Me: Really?
Jenny/Mommy: Yep. That's what he said. Want to talk to Bentley?
Me: Why not.

Bentley: Hey Mindy.
Me: Hey there Bent-el-bee. How are you?
Bentley: Good.
Me: Cool. I am going to talk to Greggie on Christmas. Do you have any questions you want him to answer?
Bentley: Ummm let me think.
Me: Take your time.
Bentley: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh. Does he think he will have any problems speaking English when he gets back?
Me: That’s a great question. Is there anything you want me to tell him about you?
Bentley: Ummmmmmm…. Tell him that I’ve changed a lot since he left. I’m not a little kid any more.
Me: Alrightly. Bentley is no longer a little kid. I will let him know.
Bentley: Ok.
Me: So, what is different about you now that you are a big kid? What big kid stuff do you do?
Bentley: Mostly hanging out with my friends.
Me: That is big kid stuff. What do you guys do when you hang out?
Bentley: Ummmmmm…sometimes we play video games. Sometimes we sit and talk about what we should do. Sometimes we sit and talk about video games and YouTube videos that we watched.
Me: Sounds like fun.
Bentley: Yeah. The video games are fun. There is this one game, where it’s weird cause you click to kiss your girlfriend when your boss isn’t’ looking.
Me: Nice. Does your mom know about this game?
Bentley: (pause) No.

Me: Cool. Is there anything else you want me to tell Greg?
Bentley: Just one. Tell him, “If you bring souvenirs back, Bentley doesn’t want a book."
Me: Didn’t Spencer bring you a book as a souvenir when he came home from his mission?
Bentley: Yeah, so tell Greg, “Bentley doesn’t want a book.”
Me: Yes sir, consider him told.
Bentley: Huh?
Me: I’ll tell him: No Books.
Bentley: Kay. Here’s mom.

I didn't get to talk to the baby because...

1) Jenny/Mommy couldn't find him.

2) He really only knows a few words anyway, including "Uh" -an affirmative grunt meaning "yes", No -meaning "no", "baby"- meaning he wants to sing along with a Justin Bieber song, and "Mama baaaaaaa" -meaning his mean old mommy is bad because she refuses to let him eat something he found on the floor, took something away from him before he could break it, or is preventing him from climbing something high so he can jump off of it.

...and of course, the third reason I did not get to interview the baby is because he was only one button-push away from microwaving the house phone last week before his baaaa, baaaaa mommy stopped him.

Come to think of it, those might just be the same three reasons why Jenny's family isn't going to be here for Elder Greg's Christmas phone call. Interesting. I love it when a post comes full circle.