The Birthday Post

After a wonderful pre-birthday Saturday (Lunch and a movie courtesy of Zealanda. Thanks Zealanda! Temple trip courtesy of the branch. Thanks branch!), I spent Sunday afternoon in mourning for my lost youth and revoked branch membership. That left me more than ready for an impromptu full-day birthday celebration in Twin on Monday. By the end of my birthday, I had (with a little help from some good friends) come up with Thirty One Good Things About Being Thirty One.

1. I’m pretty sure this counts as a legitimate excuse to buy 31 books on my Barnes and Noble wish list. And, now that I will have around 31 less activities to attend per month (Farewell, My Branch! Adieu!), I might have time to read a few of them.

2. Now Baskin Robins 31 Flavors and I can have the kind of kinship I have only ever dreamed about with other food vendors.

3. My age totally won the Super Bowl – Saints 31, Colts 17.

4. N.A.S.A. Space Shuttle Mission STS 31 launched the Hubble Telescope. If I try hard enough, I could probably think of some sort of parallel between the space mission that launched the most powerful telescope in the galaxy and my thirty-first birthday being the symbolic launch of my higher, clearer view of life, but that would take too much energy, and at my age I shouldn't waste what little energy I have. So I won't.

5. There are 31 pairs of spinal nerves in the human body and I am pretty sure all of mine are still under warranty.

6. 31 is a prime number equal to the sum of the decimal digits of its 7th power (317 = 27512614111, which sums to 31). Really.

7. I am now officially too old to compete in the international cart-wheel competition, so it is a HUGE relief to have that pressure gone.

8. Thirty one is the age when, instead of people being sad when I don’t have a date, they can be really happily surprised when I do.

9. The first chapter of the Bible has 31 verses. That could be some sort of symbolism for the book of my life just being started, right?


10. While we are on a religious theme, Buddha preached on the 31 levels of existence in our universe. So that means I must be pretty close to reaching nirvana, or something.


11. Birthday = Presents!


12. The Mir Space Station docked with 31 spacecraft before it was abandoned and left to aimlessly drift around space for eternity. The good news? I am not a space station.


13. Thirty one is the largest primorial prime less than the next prime squared, i.e., 5# + 1 = (2*3*5) + 1 = 31 < 72 =" 49."

14. There are 31 NFL football stadiums and this year I might actually visit one of them.


15. According to the brain researcher from our teacher inservice last week, I still have a year left before my brain starts rotting away in my head. Hooray for one more year before brain-rot!


16. My age now reflects my nieces to aunt ratio… 3:1.


17. The USDA school lunch program prepares food for 31 million students each school day, and I don’t have to eat any of it if I don’t want to.

18. I’m that much closer to being able to order off the senior menu.

19. It is going to be a ton of fun to hear my speech-impedimented nephews say, “furity wone” over and over for the next year.

20. Odd number ages are more difficult for my kidlets to figure out when they ask how old I am and I give them my birth year and tell them to do the math.

21. Now that I will be in a family ward, it is perfectly acceptable to go back to bringing coloring books and Cheerios to Sacrament meeting.

22. On another church note, there will be a many more places to hide to avoid attending Sunday school than there were in the seminary building.

23. I read somewhere that thirty-one-year-olds junior high/ institute teachers are more likely to find perfect, affordable houses within their stake boundaries than thirty-year-old junior high/institute teachers.

24. That sort of advanced age qualifies me for special parking privileges, right?

25. Wearing matronly skirts and sensible shoes will not only be accepted, but expected.

26. I can finally stop worrying about Angelina Jolie trying to adopt me.

27. Nine out of ten blue-jean-wearing cowboys prefer thirty-one year old women with gravy making skills to 90 pound nineteen-year-olds who can’t follow a recipe longer than a Twitter post.

28. My new Family Home Evening Group? The original Branch Presidency!

29. Now, when I decide I can’t wake up for the 6 a.m. institute class, I can sleep in without fear of being hunted down by the institute truancy squad.

30. Did I mention that I get to have Family Home Evening with the Jones, Barkers, Hobsons, Burgesses, and Woodhouses!!!

31. No matter how old I get, my sister will always be older than me.