Ant Mindy

House ants are social insects of the family Formicidae, and along with the related wasps and bees, they belong to the order Hymenoptera.


Aunt Mindy is an anti-social member of the family H***, and because of the related brothers and sisters, belongs to the order of “cool visiting aunts”.

House ants have colonized almost every landmass on Earth. The only places lacking indigenous ants are Antarctica and certain remote or inhospitable islands.


Aunt Mindy has colonized the homes of almost all of her married siblings. The only place lacking visits from Aunt Mindy is upstate New York, due to it’s remote location and the airline industry’s inhospitable fees.


House ant societies have division of labor, communication between individuals, and an ability to solve complex problems.


Aunt Mindy also adheres to a strict division of labor, communicates between individual niblets, and has an ability to solve complex problems, like how to convince certain nephews that they do not need to personally supervise all of Aunt Mindy’s bathroom time.

Many human cultures make use of house ants in cuisine, medication and rituals. Some species are valued in their role as biological pest control agents. However, their ability to exploit resources brings ants into conflict with humans, as they can damage crops and invade buildings


Many siblings and in-laws make use of Aunt Mindy in child care and child entertainment. Sometimes Aunt Mindy is valued by niblets in her role as present and/or junk food provider. However, her ability to provide gifts and sugar-saturated foods brings Aunt Mindy into conflict with parents, as her influence can damage appetites and teeth, and has also been known to result in small children singing country songs with inappropriate lyrics.


Ants form symbiotic associations with a range of species, including other ant species, other insects, plants, and fungi. They are preyed on by many animals and even certain fungi.

Aunt Mindy forms symbiotic associations with a range of nieces, nephews, sisters-in-law, sisters, brothers-in-law, brothers, toy store owners, and doughnut manufacturers. Aunt Mindy is preyed on by purse-stealers and commitment-phobic guys who “just want to be friends”.

Ants perform many ecological roles that are beneficial to humans, including the suppression of pest populations and aeration of the soil. On the other hand, ants can become nuisances when they invade buildings, or cause economic losses.

Aunt Mindy performs many roles that are beneficial to family members, including holding squishy babies and babysitting rambunctious and somewhat destructive toddlers. On the other hand, Aunt Mindy can become a nuisance when she invades homes, or sends ninja and/or karate themed dvds.

The biggest difference between house ants and aunt Mindy? House ants are motivated by basic, natural, survival instincts. Aunt Mindy is motivated by naughty, yet adorable nieces, violent, yet stinkin' cute nephews, and by squishy, slobbery babies named Milo.

Ants also probably do get to go to the bathroom by themselves every once in a while.

But except for the bathroom entourage, being an AUNT is vastly superior to being an ANT.